They use a pumpkin patch!
When I asked for nuns?
The next day he told me that was the best shit he ever had.
it’s more difficult to deter…gents
I just noticed two large bumps on my car battery. Had them tested and one came back positive. Hope it's not terminal.
People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones, but people in Abu Dhabi do.
It’s true! I saw it with my own eyes.
People always asked how I could tell them apart. I said it's easy, Mary always paints her nails purple and George has a cock.
…but I just have too much on my plate right now.
We're all getting sick of them
I was going to wait till we got home, but the little shit dropped the pizza.
5 feet by 9 feet , unless the guards let me have a walk around.
I’m a faux pas.
But for me, it just ruins the pineapple juice.
Because they are really good at it.
To render the buildings on the other side.
…is it still stationary?
The bartender says "How'd you do that?"
But I never get a straight answer.
…and sees two priests walking across the street. He staggers towards the two priests and stops in front of them. He turns to the first priest and proudly says, “I’m Jesus Christ!” The first priest shakes his head and replies, “No, son, you’re not.” He then turns to the second priest and says again, “I’m Jesus Christ!” Again, the second priest replies, “No, son, you’re not.” The drunk man finally says, “Follow me, I’ll prove it too you!” Curious, the two priests follow behind him as he walks back into the bar. Immediately upon entering, the bartender takes one look at the man and says, “Jesus Christ, you’re here again?!”
They start coffin.
Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
Put a little boogie in it!
It was an ether/oar situation.
A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, “Master, why does my ability not improve? I’m always defeated.” And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers…
"My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?" "Yes, my master, I have." "And a waterfall, spilling mightily over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?" "Yes, my master, I have witnessed it." "And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?" "Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon." "That is the problem. You keep watching all this stuff instead of training!"
The husband, bewildered, says, "Why would you eat a camera!?"
As I was just about to tap her on the shoulder she started running for a bus. So I ran after her shouting, “You dropped your purse! You dropped your purse!” She didn’t hear me and proceeded to get onto the bus, so I got on the bus too. As I walked to the back of the bus I breathlessly said, “You dropped your purse on the floor outside outside McDonald’s. Thank you so much she said, Where is it? I said, I’ve just told you, on the floor outside McDonald’s.
"Chris, close the god damn door if you're taking a shit"