😀😀😀😀😀 show this to Uncle Dave IMMIDIATLY😀😀😀😀 ROFL hugs and kisses
How could anyone stoop so low?
Cause it’s not gonna kill itself.
But China got it right off the bat.
I know because I kept a log
But no, it only made him more sluggish.
A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar. The nurse sits down and says, “I’ll have a shot of tequila!” The doctor sits next to her and says, “Give me a shot of whiskey!” The bartender turns to the anti-vaxxer, "and what are you having?". The anti-vaxxer responds, "no shots for me", then dies from polio.
Including my name, address and phone number.
An hour after checking in, the man calls the front desk. Man- "My wife and I had a fight and she is going to jump out the window." Help desk- " It's your personal matter and we cant help in this situation. " Man- " Personal matter my ass the window doesn't open."
It's an irrational fear
No One was shocked
Now he is a hopster
All I wanted was one night stand.
“They just seem really shady.”
He was lacktoes intolerant.
To collect money from Joel Michael Singer.
The bar tender asked, "do you know there's a steering wheel in your pants?" And the pirate said, "arrr it's driving me nuts!"
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
One turns to other and says, "Its awfully quiet on deck tonight. Isn't it?" Other recruit replies, "Everyone must be watching the band." "There is no band on this ship." "No, I definitely heard the captain say, a band on ship."
Not enough to break the ice.
A man walked into a bar on the 100th floor of a building, chugged a pint, then jumped out of an open window.
Ten minutes later, with no injuries, he ran back into the bar, chugged a pint, then jumped out of the same window. When he returned ten minutes later, a man asked him how he survived. “You see, alcohol makes you warmer and heat rises. So if you chug a pint really quickly then concentrate really hard as you fall, you temporarily float just before you hit the ground.” The man was so amazed that he too chugged a pint even faster than the other man, then jumped out of the window. He fell and fell and fell… and then landed on the ground with a splat. He died instantly. The bartender then turned to the man in the bar and said, “You’re such a dick when you’re drunk, Superman.”
Me; "What are you wearing??" Dad; "its my crop top"
So if you’re a good driver, watch out for women turning.
I wouldnt mind, but I was only 30 minutes late.
The bartender says "how did you do that?"
My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa. I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping…
…with a really angry bear somewhere close by.
He told me to go to the back door, down the dark alley and give the woman there 20 bucks. So I go outside and hand a 20 to the woman there and started getting busy. After a few minutes, a cop walks past and shines a flashlight on us and says "What the hell are you doing?" and I said "Having sex with my wife." He said "I'm sorry, I didn't realize that was your wife." and I said "Neither did I till you shined a light on her."
He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, "I did some schoolwork." The robot slaps the son. The son says, "OK, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies." Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?" Son says, "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son. Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn." Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was." The robot slaps the father. Mom laughs and says, "Well. He certainly is your son!" The robot slaps the mother.