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After one day, I bailed…
It’s all about raisin awareness
They say he had loco motives.
I told him, “That makes two of us.”
She seemed surprised.
Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
Because nobody has any beef over there.
My toe hurts but The Opera Director Next door was very impressed
It's a trap
I guess hezsjkfowgajqjhsjwkwlsvvcaxxacfasuoc
Nice belt! Courtesy of my 11-year-old, Ben.
…so in the morning I can find out how long I slept.
It couldn't handle the bars.
Something inside me says yes.
The only thing I like about gay s3x is that it doesn’t involve women😉
Can’t a guy just raise a family in peace?
It was Khanage.
The waiter stopped by their table and said "is anything ok?"
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, “From now on, you need to know that I’m the man of this house and my word is law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m done eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious desert. After dinner you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want! Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back, towel me dry, and bring me my robe. Then you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?” The wife replied, “The fucking funeral director would be my first guess!”
As a male, if a girl gets undressed in front of you, she is either interested in you or you’re level 100 friendzoned
Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet.
but the boss doesn't think he's fit enough. He tells the boss he is able to cut down any tree in a single swing. To prove this, he goes outside, hits a five foot tree with his axe, and it falls over. The boss is impressed. The old man then repeats this with a ten foot tree. Then a thirty foot tree. Finally, he takes his axe up to an 80 foot redwood, swings, and the giant tree comes tumbling down. The boss is amazed, and asks the man how he learned to do that. The man says "I practiced in the Sahara forest." "Don't you mean the Sahara desert?" The boss asks. "Well yes," says the old man, "that's what they call it now."
It’s a gateway rug
If you pour pepper on a cat's tail, it'll fall off, too.
I'll call it instagram
I’m just in it for kicks.
But they just never work out
I thought it was a nice Jester.