Now I only drink for evil
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
When I saw my neighbour I asked, "Excuse me sir, is this yours?" The ignorant bastard just ignored me.
steven: even numbers stephen: ephen numbers
I replied, "No, Im the guy who takes the longest baths in the city".
There wasn’t mushroom
I said, “No. Is that still required?”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
There are no firearms allowed in this building.
I'm asking for a friend.
"For I did not speak of my own Accord…" – John 12:49
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and I lost my job as a bus driver.
Me: “ok, this isn’t working out.”
There's a lot to do in Chicago.
I told her she was just pulling my leg.
Tell everyone about vegan fight club. Edit: Credit goes to Aba and Preach on YouTube.
Librarian: I’m sorry, I don’t think it’s in yet. Me: Yeah, that’s the one.
Police are now looking for a man and say there's a price on his head
That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
Trump made a time of 11:56 Clinton was slightly faster, timing at 11:31 Obama was very fast, he ran a 10:03 But Bush did 9:11
I keep hearing Honeydew this, Honeydew that.
My math teacher is a bastard.
The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl". He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?" The other guy says, "No. Help yourself". He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about half way down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl. The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got, too".
But that's just splitting hairs.
But I will raise it nevertheless.
I suggested he become a pharmacist. He says he's got no experience. I said "whatever," all you do is follow the script!
I don't know what they were laced with, but I've been tripping all day
The plot thickens.