My dad died last year when my family couldn’t remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him.
As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive”, but it’s hard without him.
Is it really necessary to ask “Who are you” “How did you get in my room” “Why are you naked”.
It was a real slap in the faith.
I said: "There's the door"
"Saved For Later"
No text found
"Oh you know….stuff. "
That makes me an eighth theist.
I could be trapped inside an underground hole filled with water. I know he means well.
Someone is gonna die, I can feel it.
I woke up exhausted
Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.
They get toad.
They are making headlines!!!
Which side of the mic the depressed people are on.
An FBI agent tells a Montana rancher, ‘I need to search your ranch for illegally grown drugs.’ The rancher replies, ‘Okay, but don’t go into the field over there.’
The agent verbally explodes saying, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.' Reaching into his rear pant pocket and removing his badge, the officer proudly displays it to the farmer. 'See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?' The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores. Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the agent running for his life and close behind is the rancher's bull. With every step, the bull is gaining ground on the agent. The agent is clearly terrified. The old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs….. 'Your badge! Show him your badge!'
Tomorrow we begin a 31 day March!
Mostly so I can get a better girlfriend.
Recently, I have started gardening and started to plant all my herbs in alphabetical order. People often ask how I find the time.
I tell them “it’s next to the sage”
A dwarf walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass. The madam asks how she can help him. He says "I need a woman for mine has left me." The madam says "Whatever for? And what are the honeycomb and jackass for?" The dwarf says, "my wife found a genie that could grant her three wishes. For the first wish she asked for a house fit for a queen, so he gave her this honeycomb, the second wish she asked for the nicest ass in all the land, so he gave her this Jackass. The madam then asks "what about the third wish?" "She asked the genie for my cock to hang down past my knee." "That's not so bad." "Not so bad?" Spluttered the dwarf "I used to be 6 foot 3!"
Most crows drank at home
it’s more difficult to deter…gents
He went downhill really fast after that.
I know, it sounds a little far fetched.
I was at the bar last night when the waitress yelled out, “does anyone know CPR?” I yelled out, “Hell, I know the whole alphabet!” Everybody laughed. Well, except for this one guy.