I was going to share a joke about planes.
But I do not think it will take off.
Sometimes you gotta trust your inner animal😂
What language is only spoken among mailmen?
I can’t wait for this day to come.
I got this as a birthdaygift for my brother and he loved it!!
Spanking = No gangs
Serve alcohol at a party and nobody bats an eye
But serve laxatives and everybody loses their shit
I got gas today for $1.39.
Unfortunately it was at Taco Bell.
Why does Norway put barcodes on their ships?
So they can scan-di-navian
Xenon awareness is crucial
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer…
I’m not sure what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping all day.
A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, “I’ve had enough and have left you. Don’t bother coming after me.”
Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction. After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note. After a few minutes, he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone. "She's finally gone…yeah I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to see you, put on that sexy French nightie. I love you…can't wait to see you…we'll do all the naughty things you like." He hung up, grabbed his keys and left. She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed. Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote… "I can see your feet. We're outta bread: be back in five minutes.
Bill Gates & Steve Jobs in their respective school Tool Shop classes (1970)
An Italian, a Frenchman and an Aussie were talking about screams of passion
The Italian said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra virgin olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non stop for five minutes." The Frenchman said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil from Provence and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight." The Aussie said: That's nothing! Last night I massaged my wife, ya'know, all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours." The Italian and Frenchman, are astonished, and asked?, "Two full hours?….. Wow! that's unbelievable. How did you do it to make her scream for two hours?" The Aussie replied, "I wiped my hands on the curtains."
Jokes on you America
thanksgiving dinner conversation starter .
John, the second least popular kid in our class tried to act over smart…
So, John decides to come up to me one day – out of the blue – and tries to up his status among the class by picking on the one kid that had no friends – again, me. “So, I saw your father yesterday.” This was curious. I knew my father was at work, so it was highly unlikely that John would have happened to cross paths. “You did?” I asked. “Did you see him… at work?” “Yes, I did,” John said, haughtily. “And I told him all the embarrassing things that you do in class.” What an odd way to phrase that, I thought. “Uh huh,” I said. “That’s odd, because he didn’t mention anything last night when he got home.” “Well, maybe that’s because he was so shocked by what I told him,” John said, doubling down. “Tell me, John,” I said, slowly. “Did you just run into him at work, or were you a patient?” John, obviously not expecting this question, answered. “I was a patient.” I nodded. “That’s interesting, John.” “Why?” “Because my father is a gynecologist.”
I walked in on my boss vigorously masturbating
He told me to stop masturbating and get the hell out of his office
They just can’t be satisfied
An interesting title
Low effort meme
Feeling like 2016 again
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
thE ImMigRAnTs Are ComInG fOr YoUr JObs!
please never do this
Lecture Spiderman was right all along…
Where did captain hook buy his hook
The second hand store
What does a house wear?
Fake Commercial #6 – Personal ID
I think NASA got that wrong….
Damn bro. das deep.
Type of Errors
They’re becoming self aware
When Microsoft Edge says the Microsoft Edge installer has a virus
Libraries and their dependencies
The first rule of vegan fight club.
Tell everyone about vegan fight club. Edit: Credit goes to Aba and Preach on YouTube.
Fetch me a switch pa
Gadzooks! r/ProgrammerHumor is looking for moderators (mod application thread)
Without a mask on, I shopped at a store that had a strict mask policy.
Before leaving, I asked the security guard why he let me shop without a cover and he said that Halloween masks are acceptable too. :_(
Kill in army good video games bad
A man is in the hospital wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth.
"Nurse" he mumbles. "Are my testicles black?" The nurse lifts up his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other…she takes a close look and says "There's nothing wrong with them, sir." The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly "Thanks for that, it was lovely, but listen very carefully: Are my test results back?"
Begginer friendly joke
Hey, can I copy your homework?
Liquid Crystal Display
Browsing reddit on mobile? Place your device on your body.
r/dadjokes on you!
What did Godzilla say after he devoured Hawaii?
I WANT SAMOA!!
I can’t be the only one
That poor soul
I saw a red pimple and a green pimple holding hands.
I guess oppozits attract
How does Bigfoot know what time it is?
He looks at his sasquatch. I made this up at work. It's a dad-joke for sure. I googled it and found no record of it. What do I win?
What’s ET short for?
he’s got small legs
A teacher asked her students to share what their dads do for a living.
Little Johnny said, "My dad's a stripper at a gay nightclub and he turns tricks in the alley way to earn extra money." The teacher was Mortified and after class she pulls little Johnny aside and ask, "Johnny is your dad really a stripper at a gay night club?!" Little Johnny said, "No. He's a reporter for CNN but I was too ashamed to say that."
My mother sent me this
Oh hell naww
Finally some truth
DHCP server when I switch from wired to wireless
A guy walks in to a psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts
The psychiatrist says "Well I can clearly see your nuts"
It do be like that
Naming variables be like
Me: This is my horse, Mayo.
Friend: why did you call him that, he’s not even a white horse? Mayo: [neighs]
2 is a prime number against all odds.
No text found