😂BRUH😂

Can’t say that I’m surprised.

I asked, “What’s wrong?”. She screamed. “These contractions are killing me!!” “I am sorry, honey.” I replied. “What is wrong?”

A minute later, he heard the same soft voice say "You're a handsome man!" The man looked around, but still couldn't see where the voice was coming from. When he went back to his beer, the voice said again "What a stud you are!" The man was so baffled by this that he asked the bartender what was going on. The bartender said "Oh, it's the nuts–they're complimentary."

Now our whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner

So a‌‌ v‌‌olunteer p‌‌aid t‌‌he l‌‌awyer a‌‌ v‌‌isit i‌‌n h‌‌is l‌‌avish o‌‌ffice. T‌‌he v‌‌olunteer o‌‌pened t‌‌he m‌‌eeting b‌‌y s‌‌aying, "‌‌Our r‌‌esearch s‌‌hows t‌‌hat e‌‌ven t‌‌hough y‌‌our a‌‌nnual i‌‌ncome i‌‌s o‌‌ver t‌‌wo m‌‌illion d‌‌ollars, y‌‌ou d‌‌on't g‌‌ive a‌‌ p‌‌enny t‌‌o c‌‌harity. W‌‌ouldn't y‌‌ou l‌‌ike t‌‌o g‌‌ive s‌‌omething b‌‌ack t‌‌o y‌‌our c‌‌ommunity?" The l‌‌awyer t‌‌hinks f‌‌or a‌‌ m‌‌inute a‌‌nd s‌‌ays, "‌‌First, d‌‌id y‌‌our r‌‌esearch a‌‌lso s‌‌how y‌‌ou t‌‌hat m‌‌y m‌‌other i‌‌s d‌‌ying a‌‌fter a‌‌ l‌‌ong p‌‌ainful i‌‌llness, a‌‌nd s‌‌he h‌‌as h‌‌uge m‌‌edical b‌‌ills t‌‌hat a‌‌re f‌‌ar b‌‌eyond h‌‌er a‌‌bility t‌‌o p‌‌ay?" Embarrassed, t‌‌he r‌‌ep m‌‌umbles, "‌‌Uh… N‌‌o, I‌‌ d‌‌idn't k‌‌now t‌‌hat." "Secondly," s‌‌ays t‌‌he l‌‌awyer, "‌‌did i‌‌t s‌‌how t‌‌hat m‌‌y b‌‌rother, a‌‌ d‌‌isabled V‌‌eteran, i‌‌s b‌‌lind a‌‌nd c‌‌onfined t‌‌o a‌‌ w‌‌heelchair a‌‌nd i‌‌s u‌‌nable t‌‌o s‌‌upport h‌‌is w‌‌ife a‌‌nd s‌‌ix c‌‌hildren?" The s‌‌tricken r‌‌ep b‌‌egins t‌‌o s‌‌tammer a‌‌n a‌‌pology, b‌‌ut i‌‌s c‌‌ut o‌‌ff a‌‌gain. "Thirdly, d‌‌id y‌‌our r‌‌esearch a‌‌lso s‌‌how y‌‌ou t‌‌hat m‌‌y s‌‌ister's h‌‌usband d‌‌ied i‌‌n a‌‌ d‌‌readful c‌‌ar a‌‌ccident, l‌‌eaving h‌‌er p‌‌enniless w‌‌ith a‌‌ m‌‌ortgage a‌‌nd t‌‌hree c‌‌hildren, o‌‌ne o‌‌f w‌‌hom i‌‌s d‌‌isabled a‌‌nd a‌‌nother t‌‌hat h‌‌as l‌‌earning d‌‌isabilities r‌‌equiring a‌‌n a‌‌rray o‌‌f p‌‌rivate t‌‌utors?" The h‌‌umiliated r‌‌ep, c‌‌ompletely b‌‌eaten, s‌‌ays, "‌‌I'm s‌‌o s‌‌orry. I‌‌ h‌‌ad n‌‌o i‌‌dea." And t‌‌he l‌‌awyer s‌‌ays, "‌‌So, i‌‌f I‌‌ d‌‌idn't g‌‌ive a‌‌ny m‌‌oney t‌‌o t‌‌hem, w‌‌hat m‌‌akes y‌‌ou t‌‌hink I‌‌'d g‌‌ive a‌‌ny t‌‌o y‌‌ou?"

And now we have a virus.

One rich man is asked how he got rich. He answers: I bought one unwashed apple in the market for a dollar, washed it and sold it for 2, then bought 2 unwashed apples, washed it and sold it for 4. -And so gradually you got rich? – No, after 2 years, my grandmother died and left me a legacy of 4 billion dollars, and I stopped doing nonsense

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans… … walk into a fine restaurant. "I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group… "You can't come in here without a Thai."

At first it's boring, but later on, it's riveting!

They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.

I'll be known as The Drone Ranger.

"Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?" the guy asks the bartender. "Yes, but let's be fair about it," the bartender replies. "It's really hard for a goose to kill a shark."

He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball. The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table — whole!" "Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything." The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves. Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks. "Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."

God says to Adam, "you're looking very happy this morning! Has something good happened?" "Oh yes" Adam replies. "This morning we found out why I have a penis and Eve has a vagina! It was awesome. We're going to call it 'sex'!" God is shocked. "Adam, what you have done is a sin! You and Eve must both be punished." He looks around. "Where is Eve anyway?" Adam replies "well, she enjoyed it so much she wants to do it again. She's down by the river washing her vagina." "Oh, great" God replies. "Now, on top of everything else, all the fish will smell funny too!"

1080p

Step 1 Step 2 Step 3 Step 6 Step 12 Step 24

It becomes a laughing stock. You better upvote this because… It’s Humerus.

It was an unpleasant asscent.

Getting fresh cuts and shaves. They’re sitting right next to each other. Everyone is on edge; nobody is saying a word. Trump’s shave finishes first and the barber asks if he wants aftershave. Trump smells it and says “No way! That stuff smells like a whorehouse! I go home smelling like that and Melania’s going to think I was up all night fucking whores bigly! It will get me in so much trouble!” Obama’s shave finishes and his barber asks Obama if he wants aftershave. Obama says, “Sure! My wife doesn’t know what a whorehouse smells like.”

Don’t worry, she’s in stable condition.

Billy's Jeans