🤣 this got me so hard 🤣
He dealt with whatever was thrown his way
Haha, I made you smile.
"Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
Those were the Good Years.
But I do like sitting down
because they make up everything.
It couldn't handle the bars.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you?You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'
They'll kill your dog
Husband: “Ok… but I talk a lot of shit when I’m high”
at the ol factory
No text found
It ended in a draw.
But the contractor kept cutting corners.
She wanted to see the task manager.
"Help, I've fallen, and I cant giddy up!"
They Shere Khan.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
The shopkeeper gave me 13 instead of the 12, I requested. When I asked him what the last one was for. He told me it was a freebie.
I had to draw my own conclusions.
* sigh * unzips
…you become a vacuum cleaner. And furthermore, true house cleaners aren't just born, they're maid.
I really get a kick out of it.
For example, border security.
A boa constructor
Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled. Before long the Captain in charge of the induction center began noticing that Bubba was getting a 99 percent sign-up for the top GI insurance. This was odd, because it would cost these poor inductees nearly $30.00 per month more for their higher coverage than what the government was already granting. The Captain decided that he would sit in the back of the room and observe Bubba's sales pitch. Bubba Joe stood up before his latest group of inductees and stated, "If you have the normal GI insurance and go to Iraq and are killed, the government pays your beneficiary $6,000." "If you take out the supplemental GI insurance, which will cost you an additional $30.00 per month, the government pays your beneficiary $200,000." "Now," Bubba concluded, "which bunch do you think they're gonna send into combat first?"