˜long long int˜
Doctor, Doctor! I’m terrified of words that are also letters!
Oh you are? I see. Why?
One day a mother and her 5 yr old daughter
Were sitting at a table doing a puzzle. The daughter looks at her mom and says " mommy you have such pretty hair, but why is some of it white?" Smiling the mother tells her " you see honey, whenever you do something that makes me cry. My hair turns a little more grey." Hearing this her daughter's jaw drops and her eyes go wide as she asks " MOMMY WHAT DID YOU DO TO NANNA?"
If you hit Dwayne Johnson’s ass
Does it mean you hit rock bottom
Hypothermia is the coolest way to die
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Let me begin by telling you a little bit about myself..
It's a reflexive pronoun that means 'me'…
What do you call a sketchy Italian neighborhood?
The spaghetto
How do you send warships via email?
Google Docks
Her: Why don’t you write a book instead of your stupid word play jokes?
Me: That’s a…..novel idea.
As I got on the 51st floor, the elevator attendant said “see you later, son”. I said indignantly, “don’t call me ‘son’, you’re not my dad!”
… To which the lift attendant replied, "Maybe not, but I brought you up, didn't I?"
![[NSFW] Triple D Boobs](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/sID9hHy-400x659.jpg)
My friend charges £20 for postcards of East Africa on a plank for children to play on.
She sells Seychelles on the see-saw.
Teenage daughter asked “When is that new Elton John movie coming out?”
I replied "I think it's gonna be a long, long time"
Teacher,” Tell me a sentence that starts with an ‘I’.”
Student: I is the…. Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an 'I'. Always put 'am' after an 'I'. Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
What’s the difference between a constipated owl and a bad marksman?
A bad marksman shoots, but can't hit. A constipated owl hoots, but can't shit.
I used to think i was indecisive, now I’m not sure.
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Why did the reluctant knight finally decide to join the crusade?
The king offered him a free palace stein
Why couldn’t the carpenter and the lumberjack get along
They saw things differently
What do you call a zombie father?
The walking dad
Dad what is Mozart doing now?
He is de-composing.
The pulley is the most egotistical of all machines.
It’s always the centre of a tension.
Observing student-facilitated genetics presentations, this has been my experience:
https://ift.tt/2XM0qgO
What is a gay banker’s favorite Christmas movie?
Homo Loan 2
I wrote to my North Korean penpal asking how things were in his country
He wrote back "I can't complain"
Why are Vegans considered as anti-social?
Cause they never meat-up. If there are any vegans reading this please don't start a beef.
Why dont ants get sick?
Because they have anty bodies.
I WRITE ALL MY PUNS IN CAPITALS
THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN OSLO!
EVERY HAT RACK IN THE HOUSE FELL ON ME.
SORRY, I'M STUCK IN CAPS.
So I decided to build a Restaurant on the moon
The food is great and all but there's no atmosphere.
So I farted in an Apple store and everyone got mad
I said too bad they don't have windows
That’s a nice ham you’ve got there…
It’d be a shame if someone put an ‘s’ at the front, and an ‘e’ at the end…
When feeding me my mother would say “here comes the choo choo train…..”
and i had to eat it otherwise she wouldn't untie me from the track
I bought the worst thesaurus today
Not only is it terrible, but it's also terrible.
My grandfather’s last words were, “Gallons. Quarts. Litres.”
That spoke volumes.
My girlfriend said if I turned off the light, I could stick it in her ass.
After I tried, she freaked out and told me never again. I guess the bulb was hot.
I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it
If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
