What’s up with the dark jokes subreddit?
I don't see anything funny there.
I haven’t spoken to my wife in 3 weeks
I didn't want to interrupt her
Why is the dark side of the moon dry?
Because the other side has all the moonshine
They are both experts in their respective fields
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles…. I’m not sorry.
As soon as i make a facebook again, i see this shit lol
Husband Bad. (Shared by my aunt on Facebook)
Mass shooters are always treated better
Can’t wait to use this line somewhere in production
Where my pirate bois at
u gotta be kidney me
Oxygen Oxygen Fluorine
I told my dad I want to see Spider-Man: Far From Home
He said, "But son, it's the same film if you watch it here."
Here I fixed it
Document.write(“plese just send link”);
My friend said “What rhymes with orange.”
I said no it doesn't.
[Laughs in Socialist]
So much gatekeeping in the programming community xD
They just don’t understand
What’s the opposite of isolate?
My French teacher sent us this on our French WhatsApp group and I do not know how to reply
Cards Against Humanity hit a little too close to home, last night.
Makes sense right?
Never thought about that TBH
What a normie.
A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?” He replies, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”
The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”
A cop drives past my open garage in California, and notices my plants and grow lamps. He stops and shouts, “You better not be growing weed with those lamps!”
“You’re gonna need at least twice the wattage and a lot more room!”
Idk sounds Boomer to me
Yesterday I went for a walk with a beautiful girl
When she noticed me, we went for a run
Why does Donald Trump take Xanax?
For Hispanic Attacks
It happens sometimes.
Whenever I fix a bug in a large project
LMAO IM AT MY SCHOOL TALENT SHOW AND DUDE SAYS “Before I begin, I want to make sure this mic is working”
“If your name is Michael, please stand up” Then a couple dudes stand up And he goes “That concludes the mike check” stolen from twitter @ cheyrubi
Might as well call a spade a spade
My father sent me this and I dont even know what to say
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
A 5-year old girl went to visit her grandmother one day.
She played with her dolls as grandma dusted the furniture. At one point, she looked up and asked: "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?" Grandma replied: "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh. I'm so happy with my TV as my boyfriend." Grandma turned on the TV and the picture was horrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the back of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little girl heard the doorbell ring so she hurried to open the front door. When she opened the door, there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said: "Hello young lady. Is your grandma home?" The little girl replied: "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
SEAL OF THE PRESIDENT
Let me run it again
Shared on Facebook by my mom, a certified boomer
They also have another thing in common, they are both murderers
A young man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess”.
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The young man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want." Again the young man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Next the frog yells, "Okay okay, If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you FOREVER and do ANYTHING you want." Again the young man took the frog out, then he chuckled at it and put it back in his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you forever, and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The young man said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
Sometimes I think I have a superiority complex…
But then I realize I’m better than that.
Genetics are fun?
I wrote yea on one hand and nay on the other.
When I agree, I hold up the yea. I use the nay palm when I want to set things on fire.
At the bakery, I saw a cake that was sculpted like a house and I decided to have it.
As I was eating it, I said to myself, "It tastes just like home."
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, your pizza will be round.”
I’ve spent the last four years looking for my wife’s killer
but no one will do it
this post brought to you by developmental neurobio gang
I’d be jobless within minutes
Bernie Bad, Millennials Entitled
Very Fine Monarchists
Hold my juicebox while I impress her.
So we all know that 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9, but why did 7 eat 9?
Because you're supposed to have 3 squared meals a day
If the Clintons have a kill list…
A flat earther posted this on Facebook
I told a girl she drew her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.
Host: What are you?
Me: I'm a Harp Host: Your costume's too small. Me: Are you calling me a Lyre?
Father-in-law strikes again
Johnny 5 is alive
I was the first, what about you guys.