2 in 1
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
Turns out he wasn’t born yesterday.
so I can watch it with my family.
'Cos you're breathtaking..
One is from New York , another is from Tennessee and the third is from Florida. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me." The New York contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The New York contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official.
chemist 1: I’ll have some H2O chemist 2: I’ll have some H2O also chemist 2’s arch nemesis disguised as the bartender: [under breath] so close….
All the other paintball players started freaking out though.
They love anything that's 15% off Just a joke lol please don't kill me with the downvotes
Lovely woman; terrible surgeon.
It's gotten so bad that he's decided to talk to his doctor about the physical pain he's experiencing. The doctor prescribes him some painkillers and sends him on his way. A few days later, the man comes back complaining that the painkillers aren't working. The doctor ups his dose and sees him out. This process continues until a few weeks later. The man is visibly happier and healthier. The doctor asks him if the painkillers worked. "Yep! They're finally dead."
A wife asks her husband, “Have you ever seen twenty dollars all crumpled up?” “No” said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a silky bra, and pulled out a crumpled twenty-dollar bill. He took the crumpled twenty-dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly. She then asked him "Have you ever seen fifty dollars all crumpled up?" "Uh… no, I haven't" he said, with an anxious tone in his voice. She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her panties… and pulled out a crumpled fifty-dollar bill. He took the crumpled fifty-dollar bill and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation. Then she said "Have you ever seen $75,000 dollars all crumpled up?" "No!" he said… trying hard now to hide his anticipation. She said "Might want to check the garage".
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki
The German replies "Nein, just one."
Remains to be seen.
At any moment, the urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away…
To beat the crowd.
So I turned on the air conditioning.
If you’re hot blooded, they’ll check it and see.
The rabbit says : I think I might be a type O.
She still isn't talking to me.
It’s a fizzician! I’ll see myself out
She looked surprised.
he is immediately disqualified.
Fine, suture self.
Luckily I happened to be up practicing my trumpet
Shortcake (Sorry, I needed a cake related joke for my first year on reddit)