2 memes?
What do Asian cannibals eat?
Raw men
My penis is like a joke on reddit..
People seeing it for the first time usually laugh. And those who have seen it before get mad that they’re seeing it again.
What’s the difference between a Leopard and a Jaguar?
Thousands of miles.
When does a bad joke become a dad joke?
When the punchline becomes apparent
A sheepdog tells the farmer he’s going to round up the sheep and comes back with 50 sheep and the farmer says “We only have 48 sheep.”
The dog replies "I said I was going to round them up,"
The first day of school, I signed up for English, Math, Science, and Geography.
The rest, as they say, is History.
A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?” He replies, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”
The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”
My wife just told me, “I can’t find my datebook. I’ve looked for it everywhere. Have you seen it?”
Me: It seems like….you have a hidden agenda.
If Trump were captain of the RMs Titanic
Captain Trump of the RMS Titanic: There isn't any iceberg. There was an iceberg but it's in a totally different ocean. The iceberg is in this ocean but it will melt very soon. There is an iceberg but we didn't hit the iceberg. We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be repaired very shortly. The iceberg is a Chinese iceberg. We are taking on water but every passenger who wants a lifeboat can get a lifeboat, and they are beautiful lifeboats. Look, passengers need to ask nicely for the lifeboats if they want them. We don't have any lifeboats, we're not lifeboat distributors. Passengers should have planned for icebergs and brought their own lifeboats. I really don't think we need that many lifeboats. We have lifeboats and they're supposed to be our lifeboats, not the passengers' lifeboats. The lifeboats were left on shore by the last captain of this ship. Nobody could have foreseen the iceberg.
[OC] Why did the man have a whirring noise in his ears?
Because he was genetically engine-eared.
Why didn’t the angry customer want to hear what the employee had to say?
She wasn't Karen about any opinion but her own.
Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.
So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
I will die in a month
but don't know in which one.
Why is 6 afraid of 7? (The answer is not what you are thinking)
Not what you are thinking.
A lumberjack walks into a magical forest….
A lumberjack walks into a magical forest to cut a tree. He swings his ax at an old oak and it shouts, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!" The lumberjack laughed and says, "Yes! And you will dialogue."
Hi, I’m Buzz Aldrin. Second person to step on the moon.
Neil before me.
I got hit by a rental car on the way to work yesterday
Fucking Hertz.
Why can’t a transgender see their father?
Because he is transparent
If someone gave you $1,000,000 to replace their fuse…
would you refuse?
I keep asking people what LGBT stands for.
No ones given me a straight answer.
“Hey Watson, is that mud on our boots?”
“No, shit, Sherlock.”
How were people born?
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
Physics is full of problems
And chemistry is full of solutions
There are are only 10 types of people:
Those who understand binary, and those who don`t
Why don’t Native Americans like snow?
It's white and settles on their land
The gynecologist who became a mechanic!
A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?” “The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.” After a pause, the instructor added, “I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I’ve never seen done in my entire career.”
