3 kids walk into a candy store
The first kid says "I'll have $1 worth of jelly beans, sir!" The jelly beans are on a shelf, so the candy store owner has to get a ladder out, get the jelly beans, weigh out $1 worth, put the beans back on the shelf, climb down the ladder, put it away, and give the kid the jelly beans. "There's your jelly beans, young man," he says. The next kid says "I'll have $1 worth of jelly beans as well, sir!" So the guy has to do the whole thing again: get the ladder, climb up, grab $1 of jelly beans, climb back down, but before he puts the ladder away, he asks the third kid "are you also wanting $1 of jelly beans?" The kid says "no." So he puts the ladder away again, hands the jelly beans to the second kid, and turns to the third kid. "What can I get you, young man?" The third kid says "I'll have $1.50 of jelly beans, please."
Because they have no body to go with.
Went swimming today. Took a pee in the deep end. Life guard noticed and started blowing his whistle.
I was so scared, I almost fell in.
Due to unforeseen circumstances
It's my secret 'stache.
They were talking about the bravery of their sailors. The Russian said, “I will demonstrate the bravery of our sailors.” He calls a sailor over and says, “Jump off the ship. Swim under it and climb back up”. The sailor promptly salutes and jumps off the flight deck, swims under the ship, climbs up the davits and stands in front of the admiral and salutes. The Russian says, “That gentlemen, is courage" The American says that's nothing. He calls over a PO and says, "I want you to jump off the bows. Swim under the ship to the stern and then return". The PO salutes jumps off the bow, swims to the stern and climbs back up to stand in front of the admiral and salutes. The American says, “That gentlemen, is courage" The British admiral says, “That's nothing. Sailor, come here!". The matelot comes to attention and salutes. The admiral says, “I want you to climb the highest mast on the carrier, jump off, swim under the boat from bow to stern and then from beam to beam then climb up the mast and do it again" The matelot looks at the admiral and says, “You can fuck right off". The admiral turns to the other two and says, “And that gentlemen, is courage"
Sounds funny. Dozen tit.
Me: No. I think most of them smell that way.
I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
I wouldnt mind, but I was only 30 minutes late.
I flipped two stones with one bird.
A laughing stock
But no one has given me a straight answer
A diss appointment.
No text found
About 3K karma and a ban from r/jokes.
I'm fine – i only suffered super fish oil injuries
Tri-weekly. Try weekly. Try weakly.
Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.
People around you will socially distance from you automatically.
Look for fresh prints.
They only had a pair of trunks!
Because it flew over your head.
Say what you want, harassment something to me.
She said, "What movie would you like to see?" I said, “You pick." She said, “You pick." I said, “I don't care. You pick." She said, “Sir, there are people waiting behind you waiting to buy tickets."
At first, I thought she was joking. But then I saw her face…
Comes great response ability.
I mean, it's not very hard.
The ceremony was alright but the reception was EXCELLENT!
Nothing, they fast
Groom: After me.. Priest, looking at bride: Is he serious? Bride: No, his name is Mike.
I just didn't want toupee for it
Anna 1 Anna 2
"This is a stick up!"