42M with toilet paper seeking female with hand sanitiser …
… for some good clean fun
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
He said that's music to his heirs
It’s over easy
It’s just heartbreaking knowing he will never finish his sentence.
A ban from the petting zoo.
It was a hare raising experience…
"Don't worry" said the midwife "they're just contractions"
Can't believe I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it
But when I look back now, all the Clues added up.
I will find you, and I will kill you. edit: no you wont
I learned next to nothing.
Thteer it thtraight into an itheberg.
You get your palm red.
Because science works.
She always runs from the ball
Now, when I see a nurse in a porno, I stand up and clap.
Lets look at the board and I'll go through it again….
He keeps asking for an ex box, so I’m sure he will be delighted.
It’s the Wurst Käse scenario.
In a dad-a-base
Saw the damnedest thing at the airport. A vulture was trying to board the plane with a dead, rotting animal hanging out of its mouth. Gate agent tried to stop him…
…and the vulture said, "I'm clearly permitted one piece of carrion luggage."
Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
… for breakfast.
Looking at it now, I see why.
Because their horns don’t work!
DAD: I’ll have the rabbit stew WAITER: only if you promise not to say “waiter there’s a hare in my soup” after I bring it … DAD: I’ll have the chicken
The library,it's got the most stories
…I told her it wasnt my fault, they look just alike. But she didnt believe me because her hair is a lot longer than his.
I think that something scary is about to happen, I can feel it.
"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home" I said. "Fuck off" he shouted back. "What an ungrateful little cunt" I thought as I zipped my backpack and continued my walk.
“How are you mate?” “Yeah I’m okay. But do me a favour mate. Go fetch my slippers from upstairs. My feet are freezing.” I went upstairs and found his two gorgeous 21 year old twin daughters lying naked on the bed. I said “Your dad’s sent me up here to have sex with both of you. They respond “Get away with ya… Prove it.” I shouted downstairs “Hey, mate! Both of them?” He shouted back “Of course both of them! What’s the point in fucking one?”
For Hispanic attacks.
We had some drinks, cool guy, says he wants to be a web-developer
…where he finds an old chief who claims that he remembers everything that has ever happened in his life. The tourist is curious and asks the chief "What did you have for breakfast on your 5th birthday?" Without hesitation the chief replies "eggs". Impressed, he continues his vacation and returns home. Ten years later, he returns to the reservation and is surprised to see the same old chief again. He approaches the chief, puts his hand up flat and greets him with "how". The old chief simply replies "scrambled".
"I either want to be a pizza delivery guy, or a pool skimmer" ………………. I think the little bastard found my porn stash.
Doctors now confirm that it was only Saturday Night Fever and they assure everyone that he is Staying Alive.
You know, for shits and giggles.
It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. Also, being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied,"it's definitely going to be a very cold winter." The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever." "How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy." EDIT: formatting…
So I stuck it in her ass and said, “Yeah, you like that Steve.”