6 warning shots
I wasn’t the only one in my house who was offended by the overly sexual nature of this year’s Super Bowl Halftime Show.
Even my teenage son ran to his room so he wouldn't have to watch it.
He said, “It must be drawn to scale.”
Because fish swim in schools.
They just want to dye. (My first oc please don’t hurt me)
Because the last time they had a fat man 80,000 people died
Which is better than suffering from really good ones.
He was shopping for beddingdingding.
I just want to give a shout out to all you motherfuckers out there.
A Soviet army is walking through a finnish field in 1939 during the winter war. Suddenly a voice yells at the other side of a hill.
The voice says: "one finnish soldier is equal to ten soviets" The soviet commander sends ten soldiers to the hill. They hear gunfire, then silence. Soon the same voice yells again: "One finnish soldier is equal to a hundred soviets!" Angry soviet commander sends a hundred soldiers to the hill. They hear gunfire and screans followed by a longer silence. Soon again the same voice yells: "One finnish soldier is equal to a thousand soviets!" Now furious, the soviet commander sends a thousand soldiers and a tank to the hill. They hear even more gunfire and explosions. Then silence. One heavily wounded soviet soldiers crawls from the hill and yells: "Commander! Dont send any more troops, its a trap! Theres two of them!" (I know this joke is super old but idgaf)
Student : "So you're saying both fields are good, but without an attempt to understand the universe, the search for deeper mathematical truth is empty?" Professor : "I'm saying you'll spend most of undergrad doing math."
He told me to go to the back door, down the dark alley and give the woman there 20 bucks. So I go outside and hand a 20 to the woman there and started getting busy. After a few minutes, a cop walks past and shines a flashlight on us and says "What the hell are you doing?" and I said "Having sex with my wife." He said "I'm sorry, I didn't realize that was your wife." and I said "Neither did I till you shined a light on her."
I just imagine Elon-Gate would be really drawn out….
Their bark 😎
than the men who mention it.
This morning, my wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. As I walked in, she turned to me and said, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!” My eyes lit up and I thought, “This is my lucky day!
Not wanting to lose the moment, I didn't waste any time at all, I gave her a banging right on the kitchen table! Afterwards she said, "Thanks." and returned to the stove. More than a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?" She giggled, "The egg timer's broken."
I hope you’re happy!
In a Wacondo. My son and I just came up with that joke, driving past Disneyworld.
Before your criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes.
Bouncer: "I'm going to have to ask you to leave." "Why?" "I don't know who you are and this is my trampoline."
He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash. As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too. The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide. The dentist got close enough & said, "Man did you have a 69 before you came here?" Kevin, shocked says, "Why, No! Does my breath smell like pussy?" The dentist says, "No, but your forehead smells like ass!"
Authorities didn't press charges, saying "they felt bad" They thought a long sentence was the last thing he needed
It’s a terrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
In a dadabase….
…then my illegal logging business is a success. This repost has been brought to you by r/ModMurder for the means of a challenge
At least that's what I told him when he saw it.
I'm asking for a friend.
Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
…if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone.