60% of the country after every one of Trump’s Coronavirus briefs
Guy at a grocery store: Are those genetically modified eggplants?
Store worker: Why do you ask? Eggplant: Yeah, why do you ask?
There’s a dodgy looking man standing by my car with slippers on.
He seems confused as to why my car would dress like that.
My friend just called me the worst best man ever…
I was speechless…
I don’t know if this qualifies but I laughed when I first saw it and now it makes me sad…
https://ift.tt/2SRCrwy
Naked painting
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door." So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt." They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
Just got back from the Transformers convention
and boy are my arms tires.
What’s the longest word in the dictionary?
Smiles. Because there’s a mile between the two S’s.
![[visible confusion]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/v42d1y0frjf41-400x674.png)
What does a painter do when he gets cold?
He puts on another coat!
When I was a kid, I thought I had a Chinese friend
but turn out, it was nothing more than just my imagine asian.
How do you turn soup into gold?
Add 24 carrots
I can speak time
It's my second language
Why doesn’t the moon shave?
Because it waxes
Set you Wifi password to 244466666
So you can say the password is 123456.
If that fucker Trump gets re-elected, I’m going to Mexico
but not by choice though
Today a clown held a door open for me.
Such a nice jester.
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly squats
What’s funnier than the plague?
This week? Just about anything.
My brother couldn’t pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
Oh dad!
https://ift.tt/2M1XqsC
I once fell in love with a girl that only knew 4 vowels
Unfortunately she didn't know I existed.
Three inmates are on the train to the gulag.
One of them decides to start a conversation. “So what did you guys do to end up here? I came to the factory late and they accused me of slowing down the revolution.” The second man says: “I arrived at the factory to early and they accused me of trying to rush the revolution.” The third man says: “I arrived at the factory right on time and they accused me of having a western watch.”
atlantis in the bathroom ???
In the bathtub, I always play Atlantis with my belly. But it just doesn't want to go down.
Apparently nobody knows why Notre Dame caught fire….
…but Quasimodo has a hunch.
I’m sick of all these people saying cats are liquid.
They're obviously non-Mewtonian.
Will glass coffins be popular some day?
Remains to be seen.
