they are a non-prophet organization
My wife is doing a sponsored parachute jump tomorrow and I am genuinely terrified that the chute won’t open.
Last time something that big hit the earth, the fucking dinosaurs got wiped out.
He chose the electric clippers, but I got the straight blade. Despite being twins, we were razed differently.
Because it cantaloupe.
The barman says "Why the long farce?"
all of whom could not figure out how to cure him. Finally, he was brought to an old physician. After about an hour’s examination he came out and told the cardinals that he had some good news and some bad news. The bad news was that the Pope had a rare disorder of the testicles. The good news was that all the Pope had to do to be cured was have sex. Well, this was not good news to the cardinals, who argued about it at length. Finally, they went to the Pope with the doctor and explained the situation. After some thought, the Pope stated, “I agree, but under four conditions.” The cardinals were amazed and there arose quite an uproar. Over the noise a single voice asked, “And what are the four conditions?” The room stilled. There was a long pause. The Pope replied, “First, the girl must be blind, so that she cannot see who she is having sex with. Second, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear who she is having sex with. And third, she must be dumb so that if somehow she figures out who she is having sex with, she can tell no one.” After another long pause a voice arose and asked, “And the fourth condition?” The Pope replied, “Big tits.”
Serves him right.
They’re just so remarkable…
Teacher: Billy if there are 5 birds on a fence and you shoot 1 how many birds are left? Billy: None the others would fly away at the sound of the gun. Teacher: The answer is 4 but I like the way you think. Billy: I have a question Miss. There are 3 women eating ice cream cones. 1 licking, 1 biting, and 1 sucking, which one is married? Teacher blushing, nervously answers “the one sucking.” Billy: The answer is the one wearing the wedding ring, but I like the way you think.
I havnt touched a cigarette in 10 years and shes up to 2 packs a day. RIP Rodney.
Runs in the family.
I wanted a squirter. Or a screamer. Or even a moaner. But no. A sweater.
Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.
Because he never finished his sentences…
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
He identifies as he/he.
Then it dawned on me, I've been in herbivore.
Two. One to screw it in almost all the way, and another one to give it a surprising twist at the end.
Donald Trump and Barack Obama end up in the same barbershop As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn into politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. Trump was quick to stop him saying "No way buddy, my wife will smell that and think I've been in a damn whorehouse." The second barber turned to Obama and said "How about you?" Obama replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.
St. Peter awaits him. St. Peter asks who he is. The Pope: "I am the pope." St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book." The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth." St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me …" The Pope: "But I am the leader of the Catholic Church …" St. Peter: "The Catholic church … Never heard of it … Wait, I'll check with the boss." St. Peter walks away through Heaven's Gate to talk with God. St. Peter: "There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth." God: "I don't have a representative on earth, not that I know of … Wait, I'll ask Jesus." (yells for Jesus) Jesus: "Yes Dad, what's up?" God and St. Peter explain the situation. Jesus: "Wait, I'll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow." Ten minutes pass and Jesus reenters the room laughing out loud. After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why he's laughing. Jesus: "Remember that fishing club I've started 2000 years ago? It still exists!"
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It's pretty oak, eh.
"I'd like a whisky and……………coke" Bartender "why the big pause?" Bear "i don't know, i was born with'em"
Random dad: How can I help you? Man: Call me an ambulance! Random dad: You're an ambulance
I think he's lost the plot…
"All this LGBTQ shit is getting out of control. It wasn't like this when I was a little girl."
Hey all you cool cats and kittens,Since half of the shit y’all like to submit is absolute garbage that doesn’t fit this subreddit whatsoever, this subreddit is now approval only. That means your post will not show up in new no matter how many times you resubmit it. As well, we’ve added a neat little reminder when you post here. I’ve pasted it below for your convenience.If your post is not a cartoon, please head down to /r/terriblefacebookmemes. If your post is wholesome or actually funny, try /r/goodboomerhumor. If the art is decent, it probably should go in /r/im14andthisisdeep. If your post is a political cartoon, it will be removed. If your post is the fucking hair dryer cartoon, you will be shot on sight.As well, I’d also like to remind everyone that cartoons that are just about the coronavirus/lockdown/quarantine/social distancing do not a boomer post make. Most of these posts are just observational humor and not making a stupid joke. Examples of jokes that would fit are things like “I’m locked up with my family and I hate them”, “I wish I were at work because technology is the worst”, “the virus isn’t that bad, kids these days are just sensitive.”That’s all folks!
I guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.”
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then .." He sighed ….. "Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box……."