A blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana
.She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high prices. After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price." Later in the day, the shopkeeper spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. She took aim at an alligator, killed it and hauled it onto the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and shouted in frustration, "Damn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either."
When i was younger i had a invisible Japanese friend…
as i grew up i just realised it was just my imagine-asian
Never marry an archaeologist
They're always digging up the past.
This cancer game is easy
i'm already on stage 4
What rises when you sit on it?
A camel.
Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?
Because he conditioned it.
What is the best part about living in Switzerland?
I'm not sure, but the flag is a big plus.

I once wanted to do biochem research… Turns out I didn’t pass the vibe check.
https://ift.tt/38nW58h
You’ve got to hand it to blind prostitutes…
….no seriously, you’ve got to.
I tried to organize a Hide and Seek tournament, but I eventually gave up.
Good players are hard to find.
May the 4th be with you for today, but remember….
Tomorrow will be Revenge of the 5th
Yesterday I saw a police officer wearing a pilot’s uniform. I thought it was a bit odd…
Then I realized, he was one of those plane clothes cops…
If your cable stops working, it could be a bad ohm-N.
Sorry for the terrible pun, I just couldn't resist.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE MATEYYY
My neighbor knocked on my door this morning at 2:30 AM!
Luckily for him i was still up playing my drums
What do you call a magical bra?
An abracadabra.
paper
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it's tearable.
Iron Man is FeMale
Refer to the periodic table of elements with questions.
I was applying for an Australian citizenship
When the interviewer asked me ‘Do you have a criminal record?” I said “No, is that still required?”
A Boy was having sex with a girl on a Railway track
The train driver spots them and starts hooting but they ignore it. He applies brakes so hard and the train stops just a few yards away from the couple. Driver jumps from the engine and walks to the boy who just finished and is standing up and zipping up his pants. The driver shouts out to the boy "Do u realize that if I had not seen u, this would have been ur last f…!!! Boy -'Listen dude, you were coming, She was coming and I was coming, then I realised only You have Brakes.
What’s an angry window made of?
Tempered glass
Three men in a boat with three cigarettes but no matches, how do they smoke?
They throw one cigarette overboard and make the boat a cigarette lighter. (heard in the Adam West Batman series)
What did the momma cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture bedtime
While wandering in the desert I came across a lamp
When I rubbed it a Genie popped out. Genie: You have released me from my prison, in return I shall grant you three wishes. Me: I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way won't it? Genie: I promise that won't happen. I'm so sure it won't I'll give you infinite wishes if it does. Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth. Genie: You son of a ……..
Have you seen the new Exorcist movie?
This time it’s the devil trying to get the priest out of the child.
A lady was in labor with our first child when suddenly she began to shout, “Shouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t, can’t!”
The doctor said to the husband, "don't get too alarmed… She's just having contractions."