A boring title
A wife shows her husband a picture and says, “The camera adds 10 pounds”…
The husband, bewildered, says, "Why would you eat a camera!?"
He knows all the racist slogans, but don’t have any idea that they are…Sure, Jan
https://ift.tt/2XMxYMr
When President Trump said he would deliver more jobs than any other president…
I didn't realize he'd do it by constantly hiring replacement White House senior staff.
After a preacher died and went to heaven, he noticed a New York cab driver had been awarded a higher place than he.
“I don’t understand,” he complained to God. “I devoted my entire life to my congregation.” God explained to him, “Our policy here in heaven is to reward results. Now, was your congregation well attuned to you whenever you gave a sermon?” “Well,” the minister had to admit, “some in the congregation fell asleep from time to time.” “Exactly,” said God, “and when people rode in this man’s taxi, they not only stayed awake, they even prayed.”
I have a pen that can write underwater!!
It can write other words too.
I found someone else’s ID on the floor last week.
Oh well, new year, new me!
I’ve often heard that “icy” is the easiest word to spell
Looking at it now, I see why
I have a bunch of jokes about people who are unemployed.
But none of them work.
Why haven’t aliens landed on Earth yet?
They saw our review. 1 star
A man has been at the Pub all night drinking
The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So our man stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up but again falls flat on his face. He crawls home. Reaching the door he tries to stand up, and yet again, falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he summons the last of his strength and tries one final time to stand. It's no use. He tumbles into bed and is soon sound asleep, only to awaken the next morning to the sound of his wife standing over him shouting. 'So… you've been out drinking again!' 'How did you know?' he asks, his head hung in shame. 'The pub called– you left your damn wheelchair down there again!'
An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines.
He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?" The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant." The soldier didn"t say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your automobiles on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
So i stubbed my toe this morning…
My toe hurts but The Opera Director Next door was very impressed
I just asked the wife to get into her nurses uniform.
She said why? are you feeling horny? I said no we need bread!
Two old Jews are walking past a church
A sign out front reads, "Convert to Catholicism, get $20." The first Jew keeps walking, but soon notices his friend has stopped to take a closer look at the sign. "You're not actually thinking about doing that, are you?" he asks his friend. The second Jew turns back and says, "I don't know, twenty dollars is twenty dollars." He goes inside the Church, and comes back out about thirty minutes later. "So," says the first Jew, "did you get the twenty dollars?" The second Jew turns to his friend and says, "Oy, is that all you people think about?"
Did you know the white-tail deer can jump higher than the average house?
This is due to its powerful hind legs and the fact the average house can't jump.
A fortune teller told me I’d suffer awful heart break in 12 years.
To cheer myself up I bought a puppy.
It was easy to stop girls from eating Tide Pods.
It was harder to deter gents.
I’m never smoking weed with mexicans again.
I asked who got papers, and they took off running.
I love dry erase boards.
They're remarkable.
What’s 6.9?
A great thing ruined by a period
I bought shoes from my drug dealer…
I don't know what he's laced them with but I've been tripping all day.
Why is “Dark” spelled with a K, and not a C ?
Because you can’t C in the dark.
My drug test came back negative..
My dealer has now got some explaining to do.
You shouldn’t fart in an Apple store,
They don't have Windows…
What’s faster, cold or hot?
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
I know someone who talks like an owl
No text found
Maybe we can relate to the youth better by putting a cartoon about gadgets in a textbook!
https://ift.tt/2P1Qygl
I just bought Spider Man pyjamas
I hope he likes them
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus
How do you make Easter easier?
Replace the t with an i.
People who don’t eat gluten…
… are really going against the grain.
I watched a documentary on frogs the other day
It was ribbiting.
![When you can’t afford a trip to Europe [HUMOUR]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/zhp2c11izm541-400x400.jpg)
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When the punchline becomes apparent. When does the punchline become apparent? After the delivery.
Why doesn’t it hurt to get hit with a soda?
They’re soft drinks.
