The big ones at the end of the wing. These feathers are called pinion feathers. A crow has sixteen. So, the difference between a crow and a raven is only a matter of a pinion.
I’m just trying to obey the 2nd law of thermodynamics like a good boy.
Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Each and every morning of those 15 years, Bob has woken up, farted loudly and proudly, rolled over onto his back and got out of bed to go to work…
And each and every morning for those 15 years, Martha has said to him disgustedly, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts out!" But this has had no effect on Bob as he has continued merrily with his routine each morning. Martha is totally fed up with this and then one Thanksgiving morning when she got up early to get things ready, she got an idea while preparing the turkey. Before Bob got up, she crept upstairs and placed the turkey innards in his pajama bottoms, giggling to herself as she did so. A little later that morning, Bob woke up and went through his usual morning ritual with glee. Martha heard a scream as Bob jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom. She laughed to herself, but when Bob didn't reappear from the bathroom for a long time she started to get concerned. So she ran upstairs and was just about to knock on the bathroom door, when Bob opened it and came out, pale as a ghost. He said, "You were right, honey, you were right! I did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God and these two fingers I got them back up there again!"
He finishes his drink and asks for the check. Duck billed platypus.
It'll put hare on your chest.
I said i paid for it, it IS my cheese.
…I'm not sure what I'd do with the other $297,999,999.75 though.
It makes my day
Tonight I took my son to hockey practice and realized my wife forgot to pack his jersey from the dryer.
She told me she had everything, and I was in a rush. So it got left behind. Figured it out right away as we were getting him changed and messaged my wife. She said she would bring it right away. I told my son "You mom is going to run your jersey over" Without skipping a beat, he replied "Well that won't work, practice will probably be over. I wish she would just drive it over" Then he gave me a huge grin. I told him he won the dad joke of the day and he continued smiling all the way until bedtime.
"Yes we arson…"
My Korea is over
Or should I just keep washing my hands?
They looked at the reviews… Only 1 star.
But I quit as it was just one ting after another…
My wife just called me and said, “Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!”
I replied, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."
JOB AT GOOGLE FROM UZBEKISTAN! VERY FAST!SUPPORT ME ON MY JOURNEY!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yW4pZq_LMYQ&t=2s&ab_channel=tenten
I was in Daniel…
And that's just the first guy.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying. It seemed important for him that I have it.
Eventually we realized that we were maid for each other.
Bond. Legal Bond.
'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.' 'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.' Bartender: What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before. Pirate: Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now. Bartender: Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand? Pirate: We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really… Bartender: What about that eye patch? Pirate: Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye. Bartender: You're kidding, you lost an eye just from bird shit? Pirate: It was my first day with the hook.
If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it develops a culture
It's like luck, but with more force.
My son was rejected from Indiana University. Feeling persistent, he asked me if he should call one of the advisors and plead for admission.
I told him beggars can’t be Hoosiers.
"Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad!" "No you're not."
But you don't carrot all. That was corny. Don't beet yourself up about it. This is below my celery. Lettuce go our seperate ways.
The first nurse says, "I can't let that go to waste", and rides him. The second nurse does the same. The third nurse hesitates and explains she is on her period, but decides to ride him anyways. All of a sudden the man sits up and and the nurses apologize explaining how that thought he was dead. The man replies: "I was, but after two jumpstarts and a blood transfusion I feel fucking great.
"Dad, what is a bar?" … "Dad, are you crying?"
Wife: I have something I need to tell you, I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi pregnant, I’m Dad. Wife: No you’re not.