A coworker named Celsius recently retired at my work, so they hired a guy named Kelvin to replace him.

They only had a pair of trunks!

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?" Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine." The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely: "Are – my – test – results – back?"

Religion brought them together

The son comes to his father: "Dad, I got a 7.5 on my test" "Congratulations son! In which test?" "Breathalyzer. And they kept your car…"

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you?You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen… Aleve is also called Naproxen.    Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.    After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.   Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.      Pfizer Corp. Announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer….  It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.  Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.    Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.     Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.    This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Because you're a joke.

His Captain yells, "Good Lord Corporal! What happened to you?" "Well Captain", he says, wiping blood from his face, "I was out on watch, and I looked across the road. And I saw this Russian soldier, real big bastard. And I looked at him, and he looked at me. So I started walking towards him, and he starting walking towards me. And we met in the middle of the road." "And I said to him 'Putin is an evil, murdering, election cheating tyrant!" "And he said to me, 'Trump is retarded, lying, spoiled rotten little baby!" "While we were standing there shaking hands, we got hit by a truck."

Three engineers are having lunch and discussing what kind of engineer God is. The mechanical engineer says, "God must be a mechanical engineer, look at the complex network of levers that make the body move" The electrical engineer says, "No, look at the electrical processes of the body, which the brain could not operate without, he must be an electrical engineer." The civil engineer says, "You're both wrong, he must be a civil engineer. Who else would run a waste line through a recreational area?"

We normally cook a turkey for Christmas, but if they want a cat, okay.

Hairing Loss

But does anyone know where the Minneapolis Edit: some of us don't spend our lives on r/jokes and as such don't realise things are reposts.

Arya went west, Jon went north, Drogon went east, and the show went south.

The judge continued, "You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a shovel." Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You fucking bastard!!!" The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom, and said, "Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you with contempt! Now what is the problem?" Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded, "For fifteen years I lived next door to that bastard and every time I asked to borrow a fucking shovel he said he didn't have one!"

and the leader of the captors said, "We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish." The Englishman responds, "I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the London All Boys Choir. With Morris Dancers Dancing to the tune." The Irishman replies, "I'd like to hear "Danny Boy" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, sung in the style of Daniel O'Donnell, with Riverdance dancers skipping gaily to the tune." The Welshman answers, "I'd like to hear "Men Of Harlech" just one more time to remind me of the country, sung as if by the Treorchy Male Voice Choir." The Scotsman says quickly, "I'd like to be shot first."

She told me not to worry. He was out drinking with me…

A ferrous wheel.

“What is it?” his new bride asked lovingly. “I’m a golf fanatic,” he said. “I think about golf constantly. I’ll be out on the golf course every weekend, every holiday, and every chance I get. If it comes to a choice between your wishes and golf, golf will always win.” His new bride pondered this for a moment and said: “I thank you for your honesty. Now in the same spirit of honesty, I should tell you that I’ve concealed something about my own past that you should know about. The truth is, I’m a hooker.” “No problem,” said her husband. “Just widen your stance a little, and overlap your grip, and that should clear it right up.”