A dell
A man walks into a pet store to buy 12 bees
After he just bought 12 bees, the pet owner gave him 13 bees. The man asked the pet owner why he was given an extra bee. The pet owner answered,”The last one’s a free bee.”
My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I’m paid to travel.
My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I'm a bus driver.
Why did my dad go to prison?
Beats me.
Son: “Mom, Dad, I’m gay.”
Mom: Stares at Dad Dad: Clenches fist Mom: "Don't!" Dad: Sweats Profusely Mom: "…" Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"
I just wrote an article trying to compare different versions of The Bible.
There was a lot of Cross referencing.
![[Meme] Recursion in a nutshell](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/y851a5t0yg341-400x394.jpg)
What does a robot do at the end of a one-night stand?
He nuts and bolts!
I got an email saying “At Google Earth, we can even read maps backward.”
And I thought, “that’s just spam”.
Why does a duck have tail feathers?
To cover it’s butt-quack.
If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d move U
Cuz you’re blocking the TV
The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
No text found
I was kicked out of the neighborhood pool for peeing in the deep end
The lifeguard noticed and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in
Husband to wife. ”Why don’t you tell me when you orgasm.”
Wife, “I don’t like calling you at work.”
Reddit is like anal sex
You dont know how it works for the first time, It can be painful and time consuming, But if done correctly you start enjoying it later. AND ITS NOT FOR EVERYONE.
I just learned that a friend of mine who had a stutter died in jail
He didn't even complete his sentence
What do you call your grandma on speed dial?
Instagram.
I don’t get what Christians are trying to warn us about. Hell sounds like a great place
People are dying to get there.
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
Some people have trouble sleeping…
…but I can do it with my eyes closed.
Dads are just like boomerangs..
.. I hope
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
The funniest part of any pizza joke…
…is the delivery.
Joke
You could view the cross on the cover of the Holy Bible as a big time spoiler….
Good romance starts with a good friendship. Bad romance on the other hand starts with
Ra Ra Ah Ah Ah Ro Ma Ro Ma Ma Ga Ga Ohh La La
I’ve always had an irrational fear of speed bumps.
But I'm slowly getting over it.
A millennial buying a home
No text found
I just spotted an albino dalmatian…
It was the least I could do!
My book on clocks finally arrived
It’s about time!
I started to let Jesus take the wheel, but then I remembered…
that motherfucker ain’t afraid to die.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
I told my boyfriend we could watch a porn for his birthday and do everything that we saw in the video.
He was super psyched, until I fucked the pizza delivery guy.
WARNING! To whom ever took my glasses!!!
I will find you, I have contacts!
It was George the Mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.
At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, which she closed behind him, and took him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had enough, they went downstairs and she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "But what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."
What did a pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye matey!
Anti-vaxxers are the biggest hypocrites. How?
They've been vaccinated. We know this because: •They're over three years old •They're retarded.
What do you call a wandering caveman?
A meanderthal.
Man: I’ve been shot!
Random dad: How can I help you? Man: Call me an ambulance! Random dad: You're an ambulance
A man takes his seat at the NBA final. He looks over and notices there’s an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.
The man says, "Who would ever miss the NBA final?” The guy replies, "Well that was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last four NBA finals together, but sadly she passed away.” The man says back, "That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another close family member to come with you?” The guy says, "No. They're all at the funeral."
People say vegans are annoying
But I've never had any beef with them.
Why did the banana company fire the truck driver?
He drove them nuts.