a double whammy – the double whammy comes from the ifunny watermark
At the dadabase.
finally it dawned on me.
I've heard nothing since.
I guess I shouldn’t drink Mr. Pb again
I can’t even remember why I was carrying it around
Mark the post with an NSFW tag
Remains to be seen.
We really kicked the shit out of that guy.
But then I realize I’m better than that.
I'm on season six, I don't know what it has to do with security though.
I just got kicked out of another funeral home…..
A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar. I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well…until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones…and picked the worst possible one to start with. Here's the joke I told: "What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath? Throw your washing (laundry if you're American) in." One of the new friends instantly became enraged and swung for me. When I asked him what the hell his problem was he replied that his younger brother was epileptic and died in the bath many years ago. Obviously I felt mortified as I didn't know about it, and said "I'm so sorry to hear that. Did he drown?" "No," replied the guy. "He choked on a sock."
You can hide but you can't run.
…but that’s the highest form of flattery.
She denies it, but I'm sticking to my guns.
She's an essential oil worker now.
"We have your son," said the kidnapper. "I don't have a son," says the woman. "Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crust off his sandwiches?" "Oh, God you have my husband!"
Now don't tell me that's just a coincidence.
Now I'm a werehouse.
then I remembered that taste is relative.
When a cop pulls you over, he tells you a joke.
Her name is Dee.
I met a guy who was convinced that there were no words in the English language with more syllables than vowels….
I tried to explain to him that he was wrong, but he refused to accept criticism…
You stay here, I’ll go on ahead.
He just can’t part with it.
Bill Clinton and the Pope die on the same day, and due to some administrative foul up, Clinton gets sent to heaven and the Pope gets sent to hell.
The Pope explains the situation to the hell administration, they check their paperwork, and the error is acknowledged. They explain, however, that it will take about 24 hours to make the switch. The next day, the Pope is called in and the hell administration bids him farewell and he heads for heaven. On the way up, he meets Clinton on the way down, and they stop to chat. Pope: Sorry about the mix up. Clinton: No problem. Pope: Well, I'm really excited about going to heaven. Clinton: Why's that? Pope: All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary. Clinton: You're a day late.