A dyslexic man walked into a bra
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(NSFW) A man walks into a bank and says to the the teller, “I want to open a fucking checking account.”
The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, but we don’t tolerate language like that in this bank.” The teller then leaves the window and walks over to her manager to explain the situation. The manager agrees that the teller shouldn’t have to put up with that kind of language. They both return to the window and the manager asks the man, “Sir, what seems to be the problem here?” “There is no fucking problem” the man says. “I just won $200 million in the damn lottery and I want to put my fucking money in this damn bank.” “Oh, I see.” says the manager. “And is this bitch giving you a hard time, sir?”
It can write other words too.
Me: That's when I went to Yale. Interviewer: Thats pretty impressive. You're hired. Me: Thank you, I really need this Yob.
But his brother Frank was a monster!
That's a deal you can't turn down.
and it hertz alot.
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Send them some spam
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head." Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. He continued, "And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'adumb a–hole', is it?" Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."
…it sounds like putting a shell to your ear.
JOB AT GOOGLE FROM UZBEKISTAN! VERY FAST!SUPPORT ME ON MY JOURNEY!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yW4pZq_LMYQ&t=2s&ab_channel=tenten
Alexa: "Got it. Sending nudes to the National Enquirer."
I just can’t deal with this any more.
Pick on someone your own size.
That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning
You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your bonus.
Fifteen minutes later my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.
It's called the electric slide
Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes. When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?" "Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream." "Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it." "My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. "No problem – a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don't need to write it down." He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs. She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"
Your underwear is incorrect, please try again. If you can’t remember your underwear, enter your email and we will send you recovery instructions. Your underwear is too small, it must have atleast three holes. Your underwear hint is “Am I wearing any?” Your new underwear cannot be your old underwear.
She’s really milking it for all it’s worth.
I, personally, have helped several women realize they were lesbians.
So I handed her the divorce papers and said “may div orce be with you”
Then I just thought, it's meaningless.
Quick tip for all you girls: If I bring you your breakfast in bed you are supposed to say things like "Thank you sweetie" or maybe "Aww, I love you too!" And not things like "Who the hell are you?" and "How the fuck did you get into my house?"
It can offer a whole lot more.
My wife is threatening to kick me out of the house because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Guess you can call it glockomole
If they pulled up both legs they would fall over.
He really gets a kick out of it.
When he would look perfectly natural dressed as an orange.