A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.
The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".
The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.
Principal: What is 3+3?
The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately. The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.
Madam: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?
Madam: What is in your trousers that I don't have?
Madam: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
Madam: What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?
The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge
Boy: Bubble gum.
Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.
The principal was looking restless.
Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.
Boy: Wedding ring.
Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good?
Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.
Principal: OH MY GOD.
Madam: What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you have to use your hand?
Madam: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?
Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, "Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"
Still no result
We should use Hillary Clinton’s emails to build a wall
Because a lot of people can't seem to get over it.
This Satoshi guy is gonna make me rich!
Why do they always forget him?
I named my overweight cat Kelvin
Because he is an absolute unit.
I told a poltergeist that I’d give him $10,000 to leave my home forever
But when I didn't pay he came back and repossessed my house
You can’t tell me what to do
A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: “You must be single.”
The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?" Cashier: "Because you're ugly."
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
I’m still single on Star Wars Day…
Apparently I’ve been looking for love in Alderaan places.
My aging parents and their friends are a goldmine for these
Gateway to Hell !!
Run, matter, run!
Why are gay people bad at math?
Because they can't multiply.
How come shrimp on Broadway don’t share?
My friend claims he can build a gun using his new 3D printer, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Welcome to Boomer Burger, home of the Boomer Burger, can I take your order?
This is very sad :*(
I figured it out guys!
NSFW. I had to see this on FB so now you do too….(The proper way to use a condom after 60)
It seems that Trump is trying to kill his base 🤔
Here’s one my 5-year old made up: What does a cat wear at night?
PURRR-jamas! She'll be a pro dad joke designer in no time. #prouddad
Haha so funny. Phone bad
Reddit’s freedom of speech
Posted this 3 years ago but still my oc
Such Wow Much Strong
The Blonde joke to end all Blonde jokes
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman Police Officer, who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blondes driver's licence. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The Police woman said "It's square and has your picture on it" The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the Police woman. "Here it is" she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying "Okay, you're free to go, I didn't realize you were a cop"
omg so funny minion
Threading? What’s that?
What do Mike and Sulley fill their pens with?
Murphy’s Law states that anything that can go wrong, WILL go wrong. Cole’s Law…
Is basically just cabbage.
What did the baby corn say to the momma corn?
Where's pop corn?
My body is in a disgusting, embarrassing, totally repulsive state right now
New Jersey, I'm in New Jersey
Only the rich are represented at this point…
Thank you, student loans, for getting me through college.
I don’t think I can ever repay you.
Angry Rudolf Clausius noises
Oldie but still relatable
Didn’t see that coming
Car is to Carpet
Knock knock. Who’s there. Cash.
Cash who? No thanks, but I'll take a peanut! For allergic kids: No thanks, I'm allergic!
Pee in the pool
Spread love not covid-19
My wife said, “I dreamed they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for a hundred dollars and the thick ones went for two hundred dollars.” Chuckling, I asked, “How about the ones like mine?” She retorted, “Those, they gave away.”
Not to be outdone, I said, "I had a dream too. I dreamed they were auctioning off pussies. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the tight little ones went for two thousand." She quizzed, "And how much for the ones like mine?" To which I replied, "That's where they held the auction."
What movies are rated 3.1416 stars?
Conservatives IRL – Michigan edition
They just don’t understand
A bear walks into a bar.
He says to the bartender, "I'll have a………………beer." The bartender responds, "What's with the big pause?" The bear holds up his arms and says, "Always had 'em."
If your here for pee jokes, urine luck
No text found
You know, cardi b looks alright
But her cousin cardio… now she really takes my breath away (A friend told me this when we had school and Jesus did it make me chuckle)
The Best Insult
Riiiiiight thanks Github
Ronald Regan tells Soviet joke
Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college.
I don't think I can ever repay you.
When the first poop of the year is the first poop in my new bed since i got it
X-post: I’m sorry for your loss.
Deport Donald Trump
What does ED stand for?
Nothing, it stands for nothing.
Integer overflow be like
Me wondering why my AI is classifying my cat as a dog
Man “I hate the world and everyone in it. I have no patience for it. It’s starting to make me sick”. Wife: “what do you think about me?”
Man: "oh you mean the world to me, darling".
I asked the guy in the store where is the terminator dvd …
He responded, “Aisle B, Back”
Conservation of Meowmentum
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
This is just painful to look at
Even though GPS would have helped
I wrote a joke about minorities.
It's different to the other jokes.