A fun pun
Why do you sneak around in leather armor?
Because it is made of hide.
I quit my job at the helium gas factory
I refused to be spoken to in that tone of voice
Today a woman said she recognized me from her vegetarian club..
..but I'm sure I've never met herbivore.
Why does Waldo wear stripes
Because he doesn't want to be spotted
You know, I was looking at our ceiling the other day. It’s not the best…
But it’s up there.
Do mom jokes count?
Mom: Guess who I saw today! Me: who? Mom: Everyone I looked at!
The U.S. Army is full of crybabies
That’s why we also call them the Infantry.
When I was younger my parents sent me to a child psychologist
That kid didn't help at all.
I put all my watches together to make a belt
It was a waist of time
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
I Couldn’t Figure Out How The Seatbelt Worked.
Then it just clicked.
I just witnessed a guy getting shot with a paintball gun.
He dyed on impact.
I can’t believe how many people don’t understand erectile dysfunction.
I mean, it's not hard.
This STEM discord server has enough energy to emit light In the visual spectrum 🔥
https://ift.tt/37QiCtg
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”
The man asks, “And how would you do that?” The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and asks, “What are you doing?” The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.” The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.” The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?” The man says, “I’m going home, too. How am I supposed to work in the dark?”
My wife sent me a text message only reading “EARTH”
It meant the world to me
Puns make me numb
Math puns make me number
I almost got raped in jail
My family takes monopoly too seriously
I can explain…
https://ift.tt/39ehIIv
Why Americans don’t use metric?
Foot fetish
What do you call a hen that counts her eggs?
A mathemachicken.
Why is Switzerland such a good country?
I’m not exactly sure, but their flag is a big plus.
My workplace refuses to shut down during an international pandemic … my sister reacts.
https://ift.tt/3aU0ZLh
What washes up on tiny beaches?
Microwaves!
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away. Soon, everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sitting there calmly…
Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?" "Nope, sure ain't." said the man. Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius…
…but his brother Frank was a monster.
Two goldfish are sitting in a tank…
One goldfish looks at the other and says: "Hey man, how the hell do you drive this thing?"
Just heard about a dwarf who was pickpocketed
How could anyone stoop so low?
What does America have that Canada doesn’t?
Nice neighbors.
You know, cardi b looks alright
But her cousin cardio… now she really takes my breath away (A friend told me this when we had school and Jesus did it make me chuckle)
What do you call a masturbating Vegan?
A WeedWhacker (sorry if it’s awful first time on this sub)