A German is trying to to make his way to Paris
At the border, the French customs agent asks him
“Place of residence?”
“No, just vacation this time.”
Never mind, you probably won't get it.
Somehow the bastard found out and killed my dad.
.It is dangerous to sleep with your mouth open on the subway.
A Tampa man dies and goes to hell. When he gets there, the devil comes over to welcome him. The devil then says, “Sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable down here.” The man says, “No problem. I’m from Tampa.” So the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 100, and the humidity up to 80. He then goes back to the Tampa man to see how he’s doing. To the devil’s surprise, the man is doing just fine. “No problem…just like Tampa in June,” the man says. So the devil goes back over to the thermostat, and turns the temperature up to 150, and the humidity up to 90. He then goes back over to see how the Tampa man is doing. The man is sweating a little, but overall looks comfortable. “No problem. Just like Tampa in July,” the man says. So now the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 200, and the humidity up to 100. When he goes back to see how the man is doing, the man is sweating profusely, and has taken his shirt off. Otherwise, he seems OK. He says, “No problem. Just like Tampa in August.” Now the devil is really perplexed. So he goes back to the thermostat, and turns the temperature down to MINUS 150 DEGREES. Immediately, all the humidity in the air freezes up, and the whole place (meaning Hell) becomes a frigid, barren, frozen, deathly cold wasteland. When he goes back now to see how the Tampa man is doing, he is shocked to discover the man is jumping up and down, and cheering in obvious delight. The devil immediately asks the man what’s going on. To which the Tampa man replies….. “THE RAYS WON THE WORLD SERIES!!!” “THE RAYS WON THE WORLD SERIES!!!”
But I keep punching up the fuck line.
I don't get the difference.
They log in
Because x was always 10.
He said they were freebees.
Asking for a friend.
Apparently Nancy Pelosi thought it was tearable.
and not using commas.
A traffic cop went through the trouble of putting a note on my windshield to let me know I positioned my car correctly.
It said 'parking fine' so that was nice.
But to me, March 14th will always be cake day.
Every Dad: Woah didn’t see ya there
I just sang about eight bars.
can't wait to see how it turns out.
Because he had loads to do.
Girls develop tits around the age of thirteen, boys develop them around the age of forty.
now the amount of girls I made wet this year is -1. 🙁
In fact, you could even say it was a blockbuster
When the punchline becomes apparent
No shit Sherlock