A German magazine’s take on the situation
A priest, an alcoholic, and a child molester walk into a bar…
And that's just the first guy.
My girlfriend has the same first name as my sister
It makes it really weird when I'm fucking her and I think of my girlfriend.
Did you hear about the Mexican train killer?
He had loco motives
When I die, I hope to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa.
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
Why do Japanese christians offer rice wine to jesus?
For christ’s sake
I hate people who take drugs.
Like cops, DEA agents…
Why can’t Superman beat Dracula?
Because he's afraid to go into the krypt tonite!
Two kids were playing around inside and broke a window.
It was a pane to replace.
I got scammed into buying fake bamboo
That day, I was bamboozled.
What happens after you eat aluminum?
You sheet metal
If you’re ever choking on an ice cube
https://ift.tt/2LvRzu3
I used to know a guy who did circumcisions
The money wasn't great, but he got to keep the tips.
I wrote a song about a tortilla
Actually, it's more of a wrap.
Bad knock-knock joke #4
Knock knock. Who’s there? Amish. Amish who? You're not a shoe, you freaking idiot.
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
What do you get when you inject a goat with human DNA?
A ban from the petting zoo.
| don’t understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.
It's pointless. But, anyway. You gotta draw the line somewhere, or else people will think you're being irrational. But that is beside the point.
My wife walked in on me
After my shower while I was blow drying my dick and balls and asked "What the hell are you doing?" Apparently "heating up your dinner" was not the best answer.
A 60 year old man was starting at a 17 year old teen, particularly his hair, on the bus.
The boy, who had just coloured his hair various shades started feeling uncomfortable by the old man's gaze. Unable to take it anymore, the boy shouted – "What is it old man? Can't stomach when people do wild things?" The old man replied – "I once fucked a peacock when I was a teen. Wondering if you're my grandson".
My wife is really mad at the fact I have no sense of direction…
So I packed up my stuff and right.
I don’t like braille porn
It's all fingering.
I have come up with a strategy to keep my kids from misbehaving around Christmas time. I keep empty wrapped boxes under the tree and when one of my kids misbehaves, I throw one in the fireplace
The situation changes however, when I run out of children
Two friends are having a chat in a bar.
Chris: Hey can I borrow a ten? Kristen: sure. Christen: Thank you. Kris: Anytime.
As a new language, Braille is not that difficult to learn.
You just have to have a feel for it.
The doc came in and let me know he was here to deliver our baby
I told him that we would prefer if the baby kept its liver.
Help please :D
Can you help me with a project answering this poll with your age? https://ift.tt/2veVDKO – 12 to 17 https://ift.tt/2SwdhSb – 18 to 24 https://ift.tt/2UBOOxu – 25 to 34 https://ift.tt/2SwdiWf – 35+
Communism jokes aren’t funny
Unless everyone gets them
My grandpa told me “All you kids do these days is play video games.”
“When I was your age”, he continued, “my buddies and I went to Paris, We went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, pissed on the bartender and didn’t pay for my drinks all night!” The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the Moulin Rouge with his friends. He comes back only three days later covered in bruises, and with a broken arm. The grandfather asks, “What the hell happened to you?” The grandson says, “I did just like you did. I went to the Moulin Rouge; I tried to fuck a dancer on stage and piss on the bartender — but they beat the shit out of me and stole all the cash in my wallet!” The grandfather says, “Well who the hell did you go with boy?” The grandson says, “My friends from school, who did you go with?” The grandfather says, “Well…the Nazis.”
Shout out to my GPS
I don't know where I'd be without it