A group of bored military officers start talking about whether sex is work or fun
The lieutenant goes first and says, "I feel that making love is 80% fun and 20% work."
Then captain responded by saying, "No, I think that making love is more work than that. I would say that it is 60% fun and 40% work."
Finally, the major says, "No, making love is definitely way more work than that. I would say that it is 20% fun and 80% work."
They are all contemplating these revelations when a private walks by. The officers call the private over to ask his opinion.
The major says, "Excuse me, private, we are having a discussion and would like your input. The lieutenant says that making love is 80% fun and 20% work. The captain says that making love is 60% fun and 40% work. I say that making love is 20% fun and 80% work. Private, what is your opinion?"
The private says, "Well sir, you are all wrong. Making love must be 100% fun, because if there was any work involved, you would have me do it.
How come you never see pigs hiding in trees?
Because they’re good at it.
Bilbo Baggins suddenly woke up to “Don’t stop Believing.”
It was an unexpected Journey.
I tried my wife’s essential oils for the first time today.
Worst french fries I've ever had.
Recently broke my thumb, I asked the nurse if I’d be able to play the piano?
She said I would I said that’s good I couldn’t play it before.
“Mom? Don’t freak out, but I’m in the hospital…”
"Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
I work in a kitchen in a local restaurant, today I tried to start a food-fight with the other chef…
I threw some spaghetti her way, but it went right pasta.
What do you call a child with a caffeine addiction?
A tea toddler
At 11:55 PM, a cop drives by a park, and sees a single car with the lights off…
He taps on the window, and finds two kids inside: a girl knitting and a boy reading a book. After a second, the boy looks up. "Evening officer." "What are you kids doing?" the cop demands, "How old are you two?" "I'm reading," says the boy, "and I'm twenty." He points to the girl. "She's knitting, and she'll be eighteen in five minutes."
Why is Waldo’s shirt striped
Because he doesn’t want to be spotted
I asked my wife if I’m the only one she had ever slept with.
She said “Yes…. all the other guys were nines or tens”
How are professional Jenga players different from basketball players?
They tower under everyone else.
My wife dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.
I keep trying to come up with unemployment jokes.
But none of them work
Nothing worse than a T section twice the size of the rest of the wiki
Nothing worse than a T section twice the size of the rest of the wiki
*Ron Howard voice* they were put in the 3rd floor of a building with a history of elevator issues
*Ron Howard voice* they were put in the 3rd floor of a building with a history of elevator issues
My dog ate my computer science homework
It took him a couple of bytes
Why didn’t the husband try to catch his wife when she was falling down while she was carrying clean laundry?
He wanted to watch it all unfold!
The protests in Hong Kong have been continuous for 160 days, proving the country does not belong to China.
Because nothing made in China has ever lasted more than a week.
When I was a kid, Santa gave me a lump of coal. The next year, I poisoned his cookies.
Somehow the bastard found out and killed my dad.
Yes i masturbate fully naked
if you dont like it, go to another starbucks
What did one nut say as he chased another nut?
I'm a cashew!
Why do ducks make great detectives?
They always quack the case.
This asparagus is just…
a spear, I guess.
Found this weird kids’ dragon toy in a store today and I thought it looked just like Nergigante, I looked it up and it turns out there is an entire series of cheap knock-off monster hunter lookalikes, they are not even trying to hide it, it’s hilarious
Found this weird kids’ dragon toy in a store today and I thought it looked just like Nergigante, I looked it up and it turns out there is an entire series of cheap knock-off monster hunter lookalikes, they are not even trying to hide it, it’s hilarious
What does every racist joke start with?
A look over the shoulder.
My buddy recently cloned himself and had sex with his clone.
Many people were disgusted, but it's none of my business so I told him: "You do you."
I used to hate facial hair
But then it grew on me