A guy attacked me with milk, cheese, and butter
Robin get in the car
He got a sentence.
It's pasture bedtime
The mechanic waits til you've grown up to fuck you.
So the Bar tender says “Hey man, whats with the wheel?” so the Pirate tells him “Arrrr, its Drivin’ me nuts!”
In charge of the schedule Yoda was.
I was watching a documentary about how polar bears’ hands and feet have adapted to the snow when all of a sudden my TV froze. It’s okay though, it was just on paws.
He was disqualified.
'Thankfully the looters took nothing but two iPhones' the store's associate manager said.
Everyone gets it.
Friend: why did you call him that, he’s not even a white horse? Mayo: [neighs]
My self confidence is skyrocketing! A TON of people think I’m sexy at this green light right now….
"I'm getting so old that I can't remember what I had for breakfast this morning… And I have oatmeal every morning."
“I will disappear on the count of three! Uno…dos…” And he disappeared without a tres.
But none of them work.
You won't make any real money.
I can always count on them.
Now I understand why they call you handsome
They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
He gave me a blank stair.
Show him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Well the flag is a big plus!
The secret service isn’t allowed to yell “Get down!” anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
its called Plagiarism
They were out standing in their field
It says that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole’s law? It’s thinly sliced cabbage.
Because they lactose.
“Houston, we have a problem.” What? “Never mind” What’s the problem? “Nothing” Please tell us? “You know what the problem is.”