A haiku about corona virus
I am so bored
I have too much toilet paper
I need a ventilator
Was searching for calculator project in github. Saw this. It belongs to here.
https://ift.tt/34G8X7p
I called the doctor and screamed, “Quick! My pregnant wife’s going into labor, what should I do?” He said, “Calm down, is this her first child?”
I shrieked, “No! This is her husband!"
My grandma isn’t a fan of her new stairlift.
She says it drives her up the wall.
I used to have three children, until an accident happened.
I now have four.
Why did the first people to fly a plane succeed?
They were Wright
It is interesting to realise that the Indian Gods are also called Devs
/r/teenagers/comments/f2yg7u/it_is_interesting_to_realise_that_the_indian_gods/
I saw a Korean martial artist holding out a basket of donuts. When I asked if I could take two, he said no.
I said, “Can I at least Taekwondo?”
What do you call a spinning potato?
A ro-tator!
What does a tree say once it’s spring?
What a releaf!
How do you get Trump to change a light bulb?
Tell him Obama put it in…
I recently started a band called 999 megabytes.
We're good but we still haven't gotten a gig yet.
Just got the perfect tool for making a good indian flat bread
it's a naan stick pan
Twenty years ago, I married my best friend in the whole world.
If my wife ever finds out, she’ll kill me!
The greatest Schrodinger punchline…
or maybe not.
Politicians are like sperm
Only one in a million turn out to be a human being. Edit: I got my first silver. Thank you people <3
A mom wanted her three sons to stop swearing…
…so she decides she needs to start punishing her children. The next morning, her three sons, Billy, Bobby, and Johnny come to the kitchen for breakfast. The mom asks Billy what he wants for breakfast. Billy says, "I don't know, just give me ceral or some shit." The mom smacks Billy and he goes flying across the kitchen. She turns to Bobby and asks him what he wants for breakfast. Bobby shouts, "Damn, mom! What the hell did you hit Billy for? Just give me cereal I guess." The mom hits Bobby even harder and Bobby flies into the next room over. Finally, she turns to Johnny and asks what he wants for breakfast. Johnny looks at the other two boys and hesitates for a while. Johnny says, "I don't know, but you can bet your sweet ass that it isn't cereal."
What’s the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving eachother a blowjob
Upon hearing that his elderly grandfather had just passed away, Dave went to visit his 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When he asked how his grandfather died, his grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Dave told his grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex was surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, dear," replied granny, "many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She then paused to wipe a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said "Bach Bach Bach!"
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing so his friend calls 911
''My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator replies, "Calm down sir, first make sure that he's really dead." There's a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, Ok, now what?
CSI Alabama was a failure . . .
. . . all of the DNA is too similar and there are no dental records.
I’m trying to find out what the lowest rank in the army is
But everyone keeps saying it's private
Why haven’t Aliens visited our Solar System yet? …
They looked at the reviews… Only 1 star.
It’s only quarantine if it comes from the quarantine region of France;
otherwise, it's just sparkling isolation