A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.The man replied…"Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile.Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.BUT, your Honor, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"….. “it was then that I…. lost it”
A woman goes to her gynecologist…
"What seems to be the problem?" he asked her. "Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina!" The gynecologist took a look, chuckled and said, "Those aren't postage stamps, ma'am. They're the stickers off the bananas."
I just found a dead body in the street
So I took it home and put it on the cat's pillow See how she fucking likes it !
How many people can ride in an ambulance?
Just paramedics and someone else if they’re patient enough
I don’t trust French food
It always gives me the crêpes
My wife is really angry because I have no sense of direction
So I just packed up my things and right
Dwayne Johnson locked eyes with Medusa
nothing happened
Never date a baker!
They're way too kneady…
My American friend, Alfred, asked, “What is your favourite shampoo truck?”
I said ,"Lorry, Al."
What did the burger say to the bun?
I'll meat you in the middle.
We thank all the essential employees which is why we decided to cut your wages
https://ift.tt/3fzDfPk
Hey /r/CleanJokes, police related jokes just aren’t funny!!
So give it arrest…
How is the best way to greet Native Americans
No text found
You are under arrest
Police: You are under arrest! Me: Why? Police: Because you transport 6 people at once on a single motorcycle. Me: Did you say six? Police: that is correct, six! Me: Damn it, we have lost Chantal.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
I’m not going to spread it!
Did you hear about the cheese factory in France that exploded ?
There was nothing left but de brie
I got pulled over by a traffic cop. He walked up to my window and said, “Papers.” I said, “Scissors, I win!” and I drove off.
He must be desperate for a re-match because he’s been chasing me for ages!
A bullet says he quit his job
He was actually fired
How do poets say hello?
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
I used to play the triangle in a reggae band…
But I quit as it was just one ting after another…
I saw a millennial chick at the supermarket and thought she looked odd.
Then I realised she can't even.
A friend suggested trying a local honey for my allergies. So I did that.
Now my wife wants a divorce.