A limbo champion walks into a bar
He is disqualified
The woman tries to pity the judge: -Judge, I carried this child 9 months in my belly, it is the flesh of my flesh and it comes directly to me! The judge is moved and says: -Right mam, but now, lets listen to your husband's arguments. The man prefers to use his pragmatic side, and says: -Judge, when I put my coin in the vending machine,Is the can mine or is it to the machine?
The title says it all.
It was one really long trailer.
I was walking to the bedroom with a 20-ounce drink. My son was hiding behind the wall and said "boo". He asked "were you scared?" I told him "no, but what if I were and spilled this drink all over myself?" He said "then that would be on you". I told him "nice pun". He still doesn't get it.
It’s parents were in a jam.
You have no more energy left to live, you just need try to fuel yourself.
I’m not fucking lying.
She's an essential oil worker now.
I'm not sure either. Sir Cough I guess.
But I quit as it was just one ting after another…
Thousands of people come, and they need someone to organize them, so the oldest mod, u/Daleeburg, is chosen to host the event. "Welcome, Redditors!" He begins as everybody settles in. "We have some very important speakers coming up. I would like to thank–" but u/Daleeburg never finishes his sentence. Without warning, a hooded figure comes up behind him, unsheathes a large scythe, and lops of his head. Blood sprays everywhere. Pandemonium ensues. In the confusion, the spectre disappears with the body. Emergency services are called, and a manhunt begins, but in the meantime the subscribers of r/jokes have decided to continue with the convention. u/iBleeedOrange, as the mod with the most karma, is chosen to be the new host. "I'm sorry everybody had to go through that, and may u/Daleeburg rest in peace," he says, straightening his Syracuse hat. "But now we can continue without further interruption. Please give a warm welcome to—" u/iBleeedOrange stops speaking, because the murderer materializes behind him and decapitates him, just as before. As chaos reigns in the venue, what can only be the Grim Reaper disappears with the body again. After everything quiets down, though, the r/jokes subscribers decide to give the meetup one last shot. They select a very nervous u/love_the_heat to be host because of his avid mod work and increase security, just to be on the safe side. "Welco–" u/love_the_heat begins, but is immediately killed by the Grim Reaper, who popped out of nowhere to chop off his head with that rather large scythe of his. Security, however, is quick to react this time, and they tackle Death to the ground, subduing and handcuffing him. As they lead him off the stage in shackles, someone yells "why? Why did you have to come to the r/jokes meetup?" Death turned around and gave his answer. "To reap host."
Q: Why did the window frame hurt? A: It had window pains!
"Push harder" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor. "Screw you" she screamed back at me. Bit harsh I thought…… it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital!
Which is why I'm useless at protests.
When he got there, he started to swing at a tree when it suddenly shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!” The lumberjack laughed and said, “And you will dialogue.”
now the amount of girls I made wet this year is -1. 🙁
Because all the other letters are Not-Cs
They both slowly remove clogs.
There was no coffin at the funeral.
It's easy, if you make B leave.
I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
No text found
Only 1,999 more words to go!!
Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
“Are you still holding the ladder!?”
Ask them to pronounce unionized.
Step 1, Step 2, Step 3, Step 6, Step 12
I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets
Edit: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!
One day my prints will come.
Someone Stole My Anti-Depressants