A Little Known Fact
They will be so disappointed when the finale is not a cliffhanger.
In a cult, there is a person that knows that all of it is bullshit but in a religion, that person is long dead.
Every morning at breakfast for the past 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t.
It’s my longest running joke of the year.
Me: because the police force is a fascist institution designed to protect the wealthy Cop: there's a man in your trunk Me: yea a 𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙝 man
Guys a natural, comes out of nowhere.
But he came in fifth and won a toaster.
A man is cleaning out his grandfathers home after the grandfather passed away at 90. In one of the grandfathers old overcoats pockets he finds a ticket for some shoes that the grandfather had left to be repaired, dated from 1955. In curiosity the man checks online and is surprised to see that the shoe shop was still in business and is still at the same location. The man enters the shop and starts talking to the owner. The owner explains that he is, in fact, the grandson of the original owner and has worked in the shop all his life. The man gives the ticket to the shop owner and he heads into the back of the shop just to see if the shoes are still there. After some time he returns from the back of the and exclaims "Amazingly I was able to find the shoes! They will be ready on Monday."
But, it’s still not nearly as sensitive as Reddit.
Because they're incells.
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On their 50th anniversary, a woman asks her husband, “What did you think of me when you first met me?”
The husband replies, "I wanted to fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry." The woman then asks, "What do think of me now?" The husband takes a good slow look, running his eyes up and down all over her body. Finally, he answers, "I think I did a pretty good job."
Not sure why he hates bees so much.
But the other 2 are.
Because you are 10/10
and don't get a reaction
My neighbor walked past with two dogs and I said, “I didn’t know you had dogs.” He replied, “They’re not my dogs, they’re my sisters.”
I exclaimed, "Wow, your sisters are really ugly!"
As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"
And when someone tried to take the candy from my hat i told them "My hat my candy"
For example, airport security.
Came out with a jacket made of bricks and some shoes made of marble.
Guess the two of us aren’t going to work out
And a life time ban from the Central Park Zoo
And when the donation tin is makes it's way to the gay man, he leaves a $1000 in the tin. Once the tin makes it's way back to the pastor, the pastor is shocked! He yells, "Whoever left such a generous donation, please make yourself known!". The gay man stands up and says "I did". The pastor smiles at the man and says, "This church thanks you for such a gift! The congregation would love for you to choose 3 hymns". The gay man starts pointing around the church and saying "I will take him, and him and him!"
Put an apple logo on your product.
They have already adjusted their prices for the next 50 years of inflation!
I really enjoy watching the end credits.
The salesgirl shows him several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price — the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him. Upstairs the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself." She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, "Good Lord! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!"
He is 3 years old, blue eyes, blue hair…
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He’s going through a lot of crap right now.
My dad: “None that I’ve seen!”
Would it be called a Dodge Chargeable
So we stopped playing chess.
So Dad, if you are up there…