A Little Known Fact
The man take a sip and spits it out. He turns to the waiter and says, "Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!" The waiter, looking surprised, turns to the man and says, "But sir, it's fresh ground!"
I said, "Oh…really?" She said, "Yeah. I didn't see him a second time because I thought he was ugly."
Because they’re good buoys
Customer: Well done. Me: Thanks. That’s nice of you, I’m really nervous.
So she asks a woman for advice, the woman tells her she wants to find a man that has a big dick. The nun says how will I know if a man has a big dick just by looking at him? The woman tells the nun you can tell by the shoe size. The nun searches the city to find the man with the biggest shoes in town. Once she finds him she tells him she wants to lose her virginity to him. After they have sex the nun takes him home, reaches into her purse and gives the man $100. The man says “wow I got to take your virginity and you will pay me the sex must’ve been amazing “ The nun tells the man “ No the money is for you to buy some smaller shoes.”
"Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
It was so time consuming.
You either have to live with twice the number of dad jokes or you get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mum."
It’s the roughest bar at the end of the roughest street in town. It’s full of the scariest, meanest bikers you ever saw. Swaying slightly, he scans the room and stops when he finds the biggest, toughest-looking guy in the place. He stumbles over to the guy’s table, points at him and says in a loud voice: “I FUCKED YER GRAMA, YOU SON OF A BITCH!” Place goes dead quiet. The big guy doesn’t move, but he also doesn’t take his eyes off the old man. “You hear me, asshole?! I FUCKED her every which way for HOURS, and you know what? She LOVED it!!She BEGGED for more! What do ya think of THAT?!” The biker says nothing. This just makes the old man angrier. “What’s the matter with ya, ya pussy? Ain’t you got nothing to say?!” Slowly, the massive biker rises to his feet . . . . . . and says . . . “Let’s get you home, Grampa. You’re drunk.”
Because someone rubbed him the wrong way.
Because it isn’t easy to tell them a part.
I said – "Definitely not – I play basketball by the rules"
In a cult, there is a person that knows that all of it is bullshit but in a religion, that person is long dead.
I guess that makes me a faux pas.
He said, "Thanks, a lot".
Apparently nursing homes have “strict rules” about what you can do with the patients.
Just bought a new ‘Lesbian Bed’ from Ikea. Instructions say no nuts or screwing involved. It’s all tongue and groove.
For Hispanic attacks