A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up
So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day.
A few days later, he delivers the exact same letter to the same house that he picked it up from. He glances at the mailing address and observes that it is indeed the same as the return address. Anyone can make a mistake, so the mailman puts the letter in the mailbox so that the customer can readdress it for its proper recipient. He thinks nothing of it and finishes his day.
The next day, the mailman sees the same mailbox with the flag up. He opens the box and again sees the same letter, nothing changed, but with a new stamp on it. The mailman is perplexed, and thinking to save the customer both time and money, decides to ring the doorbell and inquire about the letter.
Ding-dong, ding-dong. Ding-dong, ding-dong. Ding-dong, Ding-dong.
The door opens and standing there is a stout Buddhist monk, dressed in traditional garb.
“Pardon me, sir,” the mailman says, “but you seem to be trying to mail this letter again, and without any changes to the address, it’s only going to end up back at your home in a few days.”
“Ah, my letter. Thank you so much for mailing it the other day, it was greatly appreciated. Please do so again” replies the Buddhist monk.
“But sir,” says mailman, “you will only waste a stamp, and this letter will be re-delivered to your home a few days from now.”
“But that is my intention, dear man,” replies the Buddhist monk. “You see, reposting is the best way to get karma.”
R u sure?
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut
Masking for a friend…
Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?
Because he conditioned it.
I just bought Spider Man pyjamas
I hope he likes them
I shaved a hedgehog once
It was pointless
A redneck and an annoying stranger are sitting next to each other on a 12 hour plane ride…
The stranger is pretty well dressed and, after a few drinks becomes very loud and disruptive. He starts boasting that hes the smartest man on the plane. After a few minutes of unsuccessfully trying to get people to engage with him, a stewardess tells the stranger he needs to be quiet and stop disturbing the other passengers. Irritated by this, the stranger nudges the redneck in his dirty boots, cowboy hat, and plaid shirt and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger, and this cabin is full of a bunch of morons." JimBob, who had just tilted his hat over his eyes to get some sleep, tilted it back up slowly and said to the stranger, "Yeeahp i hear that, whatcha wana talk 'bout?" "Oh, I don't know," said the stranger who began to grin, because he was about to show this dumb redneck how much smarter he is "How about nuclear power?" "Yeeahp. I dont much care for it" said JimBob. "Ok" said the stranger "why dont you ask me a question, and if i can answer it you have to pay for my next drink, and if i cant then ill leave you alone to sleep" JimBob considers for a moment, then says "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass – The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?" After considering for a minute, Stranger says "Jeez, I have no idea." "Well, then," said JimBob as he tilted his hat back down and leaned his seat back, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?
3 Condoms – NSFW
Guy goes to the pharmacy to buy a condom. His girlfriend told him she would not have sex with him unless he first met her family and has dinner with them. Pharmacist at counter: " just one condom? You sure?" Guy: "actually, my girlfriend's sister is pretty hot…lets make it two condoms." Pharmacist: "just two then? That's it?" Guy: "let's make it three. The mom is really hot too." That night he goes to dinner and her whole family is there. He sits at the table not saying a word, his face red as a tomato. His girlfriend takes him in the bedroom after they eat. Girlfriend: "what's wrong with you? You didn't say a word all night. Did something happen?" Guy: "no, I just didn't know your dad worked at the pharmacy."
Guys, I just broke up an attempted murder…
But to be fair, those crows shouldn't have been gathering in the middle of the road
Where do man-splainers get their water?
From a well, actually
iron told carbon a joke so funny…
that he decided to steel it
My dad sent me this. Well shit my dads a boomer
Fourth out of my English book
How easy is it to get reddit karma?
It's a piece of cake.
Uhmm Lead to Gold
Lecture Spiderman was right all along…
An animal lover, a zoophile, a sadist, a necrophile, a pyromaniac and a masochist are talking. Animal lover: We should get a dog! Zoophile: and fuck him Sadist: and torture him Pyromaniac: and set him one fire Necrophile: and fuck the corpse Masochist: woof
One day I’ll pretend to be gay. I’ll make lots of female friends, gain their trust. Become their confidant, and when they least expected…BAAM!!!
I'll have sex with their boyfriends
please help, I’m scared
Boomers gotta boom
Emerging back into society after a heavy dose of programming can be tough
My math teacher put that on the first page of our workbook (still love the effort)
As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter… I slid my finger back out, and within seconds, she was going down on me.
I thought to myself, “I really need a new boat.”
Retreat to your safe space
bonus panic if it is a critical bug
Where did the two hamburgers go to dance?
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food but it has no atmosphere
Can’t argue with that logic…
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Trump might be inconsistent on a lot of things, but his projection is 100%
Definitely funny and sad stuff here.
I’ve heard the Canadian Prime-Minister has a French last name.
Is this Trudeau?
Who’s that Pokemon…
My wife had a hard day at work, so I drew her a warm bath…
She didn't really appreciate the sketch and threw it away…
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in DC.
One is from New York , another is from Tennessee and the third is from Florida. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me." The New York contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The New York contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official.
He really pinned Jim Jordan on the mat here, & I don’t think he’s getting up.
Protesting draconian measures by the government…
I’m assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast.
Since she can't even beat an egg
At thirteen years old, my parents got divorced.
In hindsight, they shouldn’t have married that young.
This post was made by anaerobes gang
The power went out in my house today.
I was delighted.
It’s a hoax lol open the megachurches
My dad sent this to me
It’s truly remarkable.
A man went into a toy store and ripped the arms off of every teddy bear in the store. Why did the judge let him go free?
He had the right to bear arms.
Big Brain Time
People say I’m a plagiarist…
Their words, not mine.
I can explain…
At a bar, my friend made a remarkable shot in pool, and I asked how he did it.
He said, "When I am about to take a shot, it's like magic, I can just see the line where I need to shoot." Then he threw a dart and got a bullseye on the first throw and I asked how he could aim the dart so well. He said, "When I am about to throw a dart, it's like magic, I can just see the line where I need to throw it." Later, he got in a fight with another guy at the bar. He threw a punch and missed badly. I asked how he could throw such a poorly aimed punch. He said, "There is no punch line."
Why is dark spelled with a k and not with a c?
Because you can’t see in the dark
Why does snoop dog carry an umbrella?
Peter Parker didn’t always want to be a super hero
He originally had dreams of being a web designer
A chemist walks into his shop to find a man leaning against the wall.
“What’s wrong with him?” he asks his assistant. “He came in for some cough syrup,” the assistant explains “but I couldn’t find any, so I sold him a bottle of laxatives instead”. “What?!” the chemist says, horrified. “You can’t treat a cough with laxatives!” “Of course you can,” the assistant declares. “Look at him – he’s far too scared to cough.”
Proud to be a daddy
I bought a leather handbag.
Even though I don't own any leather hands.
We did it
Apparently, I’m in the secret service.
Been so many years and nobody told me.
My wife asked me if I’ve ever peed in the shower.
Me: Yes, twice, accidentally. Wife: How do you accidentally pee in the shower? Me: Well, sometimes I pee while I’m pooping.
I warned my daughter about using her whistle inside and gave her one last chance…
Unfortunately, she blew it!
A little boy told his nursery teacher he found a dead cat.
"How did you know it was dead?" his teacher asked "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move." the boy said. "You did what?!" the teacher shrieked. "You know," the boy explained, "I leaned over and went 'Psst!' in its ear and it didn't move!"
There are plenty of woman in the sea
Aging is hard