A man and his wife are at a restaurant…
The wife leaves for the bathroom and a short while later the waiter arrives.
'what would you like sir?' he asks.
'I'll have the steak, but my wife is using the restroom at the minute', the man replies.
'oh, well, do you know what she's having?'
The man replies, 'well it's been about 10 minutes so I'd say a shit'
"How do you eat with that thing?"
I could do it with my eyes closed
There would be mass confusion.
The sex is the same, but the dishes start piling up.
You dont know how it works for the first time, It can be painful and time consuming, But if done correctly you start enjoying it later. AND ITS NOT FOR EVERYONE.
It was just a mean thing to say.
With cutting edge technology.
Just so I can say the words “Your Honor, clearly my client is not a flight risk.”
Because all the other letters are Not-Cs
Female, she doesn’t let you finish your sentence before suggesting something.
I woke up today with mourning wood.
There was an island with three kingdoms on it. Let's call them A, B and C. The island had a fresh water lake on it and the lake itself had an island. The three kingdoms always kept fighting over this island. One day the three kingdoms decided to settle this dispute once it for all and sent small portions of their armies. Kingdom A sent 15 knights and 25 squires; kingdom B send 20 knights and 25 squires and Kingdom C sent one knight and one squire. The knights decided among themselves that this fighting was beneath them and decided to let the squires settle things by themselves. While the squires of Kingdom A and Kingdom B were warming up, the squire of Kingdom C erected a tall pole, tied a noose to it and hung a pot in the noose. When they actually started fighting, the squire of kingdom C was able to successfully fight off all the other squires, because the squire of the high-pot-and-noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
H2O. What's on the outside of the hydrant? K9P
It was only when I got home that I realised I had picked 7 Up.
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, ‘I almost had an affair with another woman.’
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.' The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put £50 in the poor box.' The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!' The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the £50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.
should have handled that better.
A polar bear
Dol, cause there’s no “fin.”
if you dont like it, go to another starbucks
Tell him Obama put it in…
One takes photos, the other takes five toes!
Because they know divorce will be with them. Always.
…were upset when their tent collapsed
I’m nervous she won’t be able to pull it off.
I chuckled and shook my head, "No, I'm the guy who takes the longest baths in the city!"