A man gets shipwrecked on a small island.
After a few days wandering, he comes across a tribe of natives who have just lost their chieftain.
The tribe's high priest tells the man that as he is the first outsider they have seen in twenty years, he must take three tests.
If he passes all three tests, the tribe will accept him as their new chief.
"Fair enough," says the man.
"Just let me know what the tests are and I'll get right on them."
The priest takes him to a clearing with three straw huts in it, turns to the man and explains the tests.
"In the first hut, you'll find 20 gallons of our native beer. You must drink all of this to complete this test. In the second hut is a gorilla with a sore tooth. You must pull his tooth and survive to pass this test. In the third hut is the ex-chieftain's daughter. You must make love to her until she can take no more."
The man agrees to the tests and begins the first test.
Three hours later, he walks out of the hut and goes toward the second hut.
The priest asks if he would like to have a rest, but the man says he wants to get all the tests done before he sleeps.
He goes into the second hut. After two hours he comes out covered from head to toe in blood and scratches.
He turns to the priest and says "Now lead me to the girl with the sore tooth."
Dog is calling…
idk cool title
I am speed
Spring Break 2020
Here’s a rare Iranian boomer meme
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
Remember to not skip testing!
Everyone does that, I guess.
Why we got to stay home again?
Petition to make Stan Kelly the official artist of this sub
Front-end development is totally fun
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The year is 1804 and a young man enlists on a ship..
..his first voyage is to last 3 years, and even though the work is hard the young man takes to it like a fish in water. After only a few days he is running the riggin like an old hand, he swabs the decks without complaint and spends his free time in amicable companionship playing cards or telling tall tales. All in all the young man feels as if he has found his calling. A few weeks go by like this, the young man loving his new life except one part.. There are no women. After a couple of months like this, he is starting to feel extremely uncomfortable with the situation and voices his complaints to his shipmates one evening. "Why don't you just use the barrel?" Asks one of his mates with a surprised look .It turns out that down in the hold, in a dark corner there is a barrel, with a hole drilled into the side.. Whenever the sailors start to feel their urges rise, they simply go down to the barrel and take care of their business there. The young man decides, with some scepticism, to try the barrel, and finds to his surprise that it is a wholly pleasant experience, in no way lesser than any he has had with real women before. With this new found release the young man starts to enjoy his work even more. His days continue as before, and his evenings are still spent in pleasant company, but a new addition to his routine is a nightly visit to the barrel. Another two months pass in this way and all is well, until one night as he gets up from his seat at the card table and announces that he is going to visit the barrel to his mates.A few chuckles greet this announcement and one of his friends asks "Trying to get the final fun out of it eh?" "Final fun? Are we getting rid of the barrel?" The young man asks, worry playing over his face. "Not at all mate, it's just that.. next month is your turn in the barrel."
Hypothermia is the coolest way to die
No text found
Sometimes Boomer Humor is adorable
Wife no stay home
Spacing is important guys!
I was waiting at the airport baggage carousel, and noticed that everyone else had a better bag than me.
It was ….the worst case scenario.
The future is now mom
From my training class
the only thing more satisfying is having glucose in stock
I was at the museum recently and asked a worker there if I was allowed to take pictures. He replied…
"No, they have to stay on the walls."
Qubits be efficient tho
My roomate and i did this game where we cleaned up another ones room everyday.
We were maid for each other.
The bravest (long joke)
Three generals and an admiral, one from each branch of the service, are standing around arguing which of their respective branch has the bravest members. "Army is the bravest and I can prove it," says the first general. He looks around and spots a private. "Soldier, get over here!" The young private runs over, goes to attention and throws a crisp salute. "Soldier, I want you to go climb that water tower and jump off." The private sees the water tower and without hesitation runs over to the ladder, scales up, jumps off, and dies on impact. "Now that is bravery." The Navy admiral chuckles and says, " you think that is bravery? Here watch this." He looks around and sees a young seaman. "Seaman, over here!" The young seaman rushes over, goes to attention, and throws a sharp salute. "Seaman, I want you to go over to that water tower and swan dive off." Without a second thought the young man runs over, climbs to the top, and performs a graceful swan dive off off the tower landing head first, dying on impact. "Now that is bravery. " The Marine general, not to be outdone by the Navy, just sneers out, "you boys ain't seen a thing yet." He spots a young corporal and shout out, "hey maggot, over here on the double!" The young Marine barrels over, pops to attention, and throws a perfect salute. "Alright you worthless pile of crap time to finally make something of yourself. I want you to climb up that water tower, do exactly three flips mid-air and land head first into the ground. You better die on impact as well or so help me I will reach into whatever afterlife you believe in, rip you out, and throw you off that tower myself!" Without batting an eye the Marine sprints over to the water tower, climbs up, does exactly three flips, and lands head first dying on impact. "Now that is bravery." The Air Force general just shakes his head and says, "I got this in the bag." He sees a young airman and calls him over. The young man gives a quizzical look and motions to himself to make sure, eventually walking over to the general. He makes a lazy attempt at attention and briefly throws a salute. "Airman, I want you to go over to that water tower and jump off." The airman raises his brow, looks up at the tower, and then down at the pile of dead service members. "Pfft, screw you … sir," he replies and walks off. The Air Force general turns to the other officers and remarks, "Now THAT is bravery!"
Thoughts and prayers bitches thoughts and prayers
I told my psychiatrist that I’ve been hearing voices
He told me that I don't have a psychiatrist
Seems like a good deal
Never have someone tried to negotiate the rent with me until today
My dad felt like sharing this with me…
Working on a light theme
A man walks into a bar
A man walks into a bar carrying a large chunk of concrete. He turns to the bartender and says " Give me a drink. And one for the road."
What’s big and blue and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
The Pacific Ocean
Ah, how we aged into something so sad
Scientists definitively confirmed today that anteaters are incapable of contracting coronavirus.
This is because they're filled with anty bodies.
Kid: Waahhh! Dad, my toy is broken! Dad: Nothing that a duct tape can’t fix.
Kid: mmmph.. mmrr…
All the President’s Men
Father-in-law strikes again
Earth Day Special
When you just started learning pointers
When you make your imaginary friend quite irate
I was bored so I dug three holes in my backyard.
My wife came home and said "Well, well, well…"
I’ve been trying for ages to buy a supermarket conveyor belt divider…
…but the cashier always keeps putting it back!
Hi Satan, nice to meet you.
A vegan said to me, “People who sell meat are disgusting.”
I said, "People who sell vegetables and fruits are grocer."
im in this picture and i don’t like it
My dad has a camera pointing at the river outside
He likes to keep up with current events.
Everyone at our wedding cried.
Even our wedding cake was in tiers.
I mean it’s nice, but not what was needed
Someone threw a beer at President Trump during last nights National Championship Game.
It was a draft, so he easily dodged it.
I asked, “Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?”
He replied, “No sun.”
Bcuz ppl dnt use full wrds thru txt.
They had to throw his buddy out too, he was wasted.
People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain.
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
Trump held a rally last night in Louisiana. Here’s a recap.
80% of girls like guys with six-pack abs.
80% of guys with six-pack abs don’t like girls.
A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "What is your occupation?" The woman replies, "I'm a whore." The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that." The woman, "OK, I'm a prostitute." "No, that is still too crude. Try again." They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm a chicken farmer." The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?" "Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year."
Land of the free
The GOP is showing us its priorities
Makes complete sense
Think of it as voting for Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s replacement if you need to
Did you hear about the guy who invented the ‘Knock Knock’ joke ?
He won the "No-Bell Prize"
Up at Trump Hotel in NYC
It was an ‘accident’
How trump supporters left Wildwood Nj. Disgusting.
I’m currently getting into game development
This tweet should age like room temperature milk….