A man goes to visit his friend…
and discovers that his friend has turned into an arrangement of shapes closely fitted together, forming a repeated pattern without any gaps or over-lapping. “What happened?” he asks, mortified. “I came here to see if you were self-isolating and…”
“Oh shucks!” said the friend, “I thought you told me to self-tesselate!”
😀 Because it puts a D right next to a colon.
It's much safer than going outwindows.
A man escapes from prison where he’s been for 15 years. He breaks in to a house looking for money, guns, and/or a car, instead he finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the husband out of the bed and ties him to a chair. After tying the wife to the bed he gets on top of her and kisses her neck, then goes in to the bathroom. At which time the husband tells his wife: "Honey, this man's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! I saw the way he kissed your neck, he probably hasn't seen a woman in years, if he wants sex give to him, don't resist, don't complain, just go with it no matter how sick It makes you. He's probably dangerous, if he gets mad he will most likely kill us. Honey, I love you, be strong. To which the wife responds: "Oooh, honey, no? He wasn't kissing my neck he was whispering in my ear. He said you looked very cute and asked if we had any vasoline. I told him yeah in the restroom. Give him what he wants, honey be strong i love you too."
A pirate goes to the doctor and say, “I have moles on me back aaarrrghh”
The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign" Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!"
Oh, high marks
Come on guys, it's a dead giveaway.
Because they’re straight up with each other.
I called work this morning and whispered, “Sorry boss, I can’t come in today. I have a wee cough.” He exclaimed, “You have a wee cough!?”
I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
It was the least I could do!
Me from the other room, "No, use a toothbrush".
…is just a little pail in comparison.
If you don't have one, you have to unload by hand
..instead we say 'quatre-vingt dix neuf' which translates as 'we don't have a functional numerical system'
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
Tomorrow we begin a 31 day March!
Long enough to cover the subject, short enough to keep it interesting
But don't worry, it was B9.
No text found
For christ’s sake
Dude 2: “Brochure.”