A man in an interrogation room says “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.”
Cop: You are the lawyer.
Lawyer: Exactly, so where’s my present?
I replied the chances of two serial killers being in the same car are astronomical.
The police officer handcuffs her “You have the right to remain silent” he says. She suddenly starts laughing. The police officer notices, and questions her behavior. “Why, you see, I’m just happy to finally have a right!”
In the Ark hives.
Their careers were in ruins.
I tell my wife I’m close to 60,000 Karma on my Reddit, and she says the only Karma I need in my life is her..
I reminded her Karma's a Bitch..
Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole.
I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada. Edit: Sorry.
Me: Dad, could you call my phone? I can’t find it. My dad: OH PHONE, WHERE ARE YOU?
Well, first you need a nice ice fishing spot and some peas. Once you have those, you cut a hole in the ice, then make a trail of peas leading away from it. So, when the polar bear goes to take pea, you kick it in the ice hole!
"My son told me he is transgender." "So?" "That makes me transparent."
Because theyre not self-centered.
When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.
Because they have little anty bodies
And I'll fucking do it again.
She said "it's my husband!. Quick, try the backdoor!" Thinking back, I really should have ran but you don't get offers like that every day.
..My door is always open.
He disappeared without a tres
I don't see anything funny there.
Salt and Peppa
A small medium at large
Tis the best place to trade stolen content for gold 😉
I said, "I don't think it's that kind of book."
I guess you could call him a cheap-steak.
Personally I like to do it at dinner time so he spits out his food.
You can hear a pin drop, after all.
…It's something that a hundred men or more could never do
He teaches Taekwon D'oh!
But the doctor said the procedure couldn’t go ahead due the fact that “there is literally no end to this prick”
A waist of money.
Actually, I’ve just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and all of us agreed that things are getting bad. I didn’t mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end the iron calmed me down as she said everything will be fine, the situation isn’t that pressing. The vacuum was very unsympathetic… told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and felt it would all soon blow over! The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and it didn’t say anything, but the door knob told me to get a grip. The front door said I was unhinged and then…. The curtains told me to pull myself together!
The second one’s a repost.