A man walks up to 3 women wearing potato sacks. How does he know which one is the prostitute?
The one whose sack reads "Idaho"
I told my kids that due to the quarantine…
I’ll only be telling inside jokes.
Orion’s belt is a big waist of space.
Ok, it's not that funny, only a 3 star joke
A Roman walks into a bar and says “I’ll have a martinus.”
The bartender asks “Don’t you mean a martini?” In response the Roman says “If I wanted a double I’d have asked for it!”
Why did the medium cross the road?
To talk to the other side
My family just celebrated the 200th anniversary of owning a buffalo farm!
Yep. It's our bison-tennial.
I feel like I have no control over my body
Everything I eat goes to shit
Friends are like snowflakes:
When you pee on them, they disappear
Dad: Did I make myself clear?
Son: No, we can all still see you.
Emojis, millennials, stick shift, and cursive? Check, check, check and check.
https://ift.tt/2wQ2VWA
The US is to surpass China and Italy in the coming week for most COVID-19 cases in the world
https://ift.tt/2UFKRq3
Midgets and Dwarfs…
have very little in common.
What’s a pirates favorite letter?
P. It's like R, but missing a leg.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A Doyouthinkhesaurus Rex
What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?
No more jokes about the profit.
I served a hipster a pizza but he burned his mouth.
He ate it before it was cool. 🤦🏻♂️
Did you hear about the mathematician that was afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them
What borders on stupidity?
Mexico and Canada.
Time
'What time is it?' 'Dunno, pass me that trombone and I'll find out.' Blows trombone loudly Someone shouts: 'WHOS THAT PLAYING THE TROMBONE AT 2AM!!?'
My cousin posted two jokes on this sub, but the mods deleted both of them.
He is my cousin, twice [removed]
I yelled “Cow!” at a woman on a bike…
She gave me the finger. Then she ran into a cow. I tried.
What’s the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?
The taste. Kindly stolen from my friend who is an ER doc.
The cocaine that I bought is so white..
..That the cops just let it go with a warning.
For years, my parents sent me to a child psychologist
That kid didn’t help me at all.
I didn’t think wearing orthopedic shoes would help…
…but I stand corrected.
I was at the library today when a black guy came up to me and asked me where the colored printers were.
I replied, "Dude, it's 2019, you can use whatever printer you want."
After my wide died, I couldn’t look at another woman for 18 years
But when i got out of prison, it was totally worth it