A man with two buckets of fish was leaving a lake well known for its fishing and was stopped by a game warden.
The warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?!" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these fish down to this lake and let them swim around for about a half-hour, When I whistle, they all come back, jump back into my buckets, and I take 'em home. We do this every night."
"That's a bunch of hooey," said the warden. "Fish can't do that!"
"No, really! says the man. "Here, I'll show you." And he releases the fish in the water.
"Well, I've GOT to see this!" the game warden replied.
The man and the warden stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" the man asked.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden huffs.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"The FISH."
"What fish?"
When a stripper gets money that definitely has jizz on it she has to report it to the government
Because it's gross income
My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa. I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping…
…with a really angry bear somewhere close by.
I don’t get anti-vaxxers.
If you want a trial version of a kid why don't you borrow your friend's and babysit it instead of letting your own expire?
Anal sex is a lot like my first car…
I didn't really want it, but my uncle gave it to me anyway.
A man asks another man to lend him $10 until next pay day. The second man says “sure, here you go. when’s next pay day?”
“I don’t know, you’re the one with a job”
I only lasted a month at the calender factory.
They fired me after taking a day off
A farmer quickly purchased land in a low lying depression, and began raising donkeys there. He did so with skill, and the donkeys rarely got away.
In other words, he hauled ass to amass asses in a hole asset, whole-ass not half-ass, lassoed the asses so they wouldn't by pass the ass hole.
what do you call 2 transgender midgets who are having sex?
a micro transaction
Why are there two “d”s in reddit?
The second ones is a repost like this joke
At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.
Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white patriarchal society. After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?" "Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery", asked the couple? "Because I am the artist, who painted the picture", he replied, "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch".
How do you console Thanos when he’s upset?
Bruh, Just Snap out if it
My interviewer asked if I could preform under pressure.
I said no, but I can do a good Bohemian Rhapsody
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.
It was sole crushing.
Where do mollusks find books to improve themselves?
The shellf help section.
any one who codes for games here ? i made a meme about it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUqYIzh3kAE
What is SpongeBob’s least desirable personality trait?
He’s too self absorbed.
Putting air in your tires used to be free now its costs a dollar…
Its called inflation.
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her.
Instead I just swam for the surface.
All of my friends have such expansive bucket lists, but mine…
…is just a little pail in comparison.
A British doctor says: “In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man’s liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job.”
The German doctor replies: "That's nothing, in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job." The Russian doctor replies: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for a job." The American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. A few months ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President. Now, the whole country is looking for a job!"
A gay man goes to a church
And when the donation tin is makes it's way to the gay man, he leaves a $1000 in the tin. Once the tin makes it's way back to the pastor, the pastor is shocked! He yells, "Whoever left such a generous donation, please make yourself known!". The gay man stands up and says "I did". The pastor smiles at the man and says, "This church thanks you for such a gift! The congregation would love for you to choose 3 hymns". The gay man starts pointing around the church and saying "I will take him, and him and him!"
What do you get when you mix human DNA with whale DNA?
Kicked out of Sea World
Nobody likes my joke about paper
It's tearable
Mars: I’m wet.
NASA: I’m coming over.
A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit, “What’ll ya have?”
The rabbit says, “I dunno. I’m only here because of Autocorrect.”
North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the whole world, because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media…
But every American knows that America is really the best country in the world!