A minor inconvenience
I’m fine letting other people dot my i’s, but crossing my t’s?
That's where I draw the line.
A man was driving down the road
A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man’s truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?” The man replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.” “You need to take them to the zoo,” the policeman said. The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer said. “I did,” the man replied. “And today I’m taking them to the beach."
What is the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One will see you later and the other will see you in a while.
The first French Fries weren’t actually cooked in France
They were cooked in Greece
For lifelong French bakers,
existence is pain.
I have an unoriginal joke.
But you probably Reddit
I tell dad jokes sometimes
He laughs
What’s the opposite of soup?
Sodown
Which organ do you need to live?
The liver.
My wife is really mad at the fact that i have no sense of direction.
So i packed up my stuff and right.
Wife asked me if it was just her, or if the cat was getting fat.
Apparently it is just you was not the correct response n
Did you hear about the cheese factory in France that exploded?
There was nothing left but de Brie
Why are gay people always smiling?
Because they can’t keep a straight face.
How do you handle a redhead’s temper?
Gingerly.
MLM guy doesnt realize that 10trillion isnt worth dick due to hyperinflation.
https://ift.tt/337k0Gk
LMAO IM AT MY SCHOOL TALENT SHOW AND DUDE SAYS “Before I begin, I want to make sure this mic is working”
“If your name is Michael, please stand up” Then a couple dudes stand up And he goes “That concludes the mike check” stolen from twitter @ cheyrubi
I asked little Johnny why he started doing so well in math after we sent him to the Christian school.
He said he didn't want to end up like the guy they nailed to the plus sign.
I went skydiving today.
The guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the plane, and as we began to fall he yelled in my ear "So how long you been an instructor?
I met Mick and Keith backstage. I was rude but efficient.
I flipped two stones with one bird.
Why can’t a bike stand up on it’s own?
It's too tired.
The instructor in my self defence class told me that the most effective place to kick a man is near his knees.
Personally, I think it’s nuts.
When I was a teen, my dad showed me a 30 minute PowerPoint presentation on why one should always wear a condom during sex.
All the slides were just pictures of me.
I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday.
Apparently you are not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.
Told my wife i was so stressed that only a blowjob would help.
She asked where I was going to find a dick to suck at this time of night.
I started my new job at the local hospital helping to move patients around the hospital
It’s not much, but it’s a rewarding job
You shouldn’t watch any horror movies today
It May, Fri 10 you.
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘let’s make this interesting’.
So we stopped playing chess.
I like using zoom for immunology, because I can make things like this during class.
https://ift.tt/2SjV8b3
A young teenage girl was making a living as a prostitute
and for obvious reasons she kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic. Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some. "Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you're so old… how do you do it?" Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny… I just remove my dentures and suck em dry!"
The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican
When the Pope answers the door, Dopey steps forward and nervously asks "Your Excellency, I wonder if you could tell me if there are any dwarf nuns in Rome?" "No Dopey, I don't think there are," the Pope replies. The other six dwarfs start to giggle. "Well, are there any dwarf nuns in Italy?" Dopey persists. "No, none in all of Italy," the Pope answers more sternly. The dwarfs begin to laugh even more. "Are there any dwarf nuns in Europe?" This time the Pope is much more firm. "Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe." By now, the other dwarfs are laughing aloud. "Your Excellency," Dopey demands. "Are there any dwarf nuns in the whole world?" "No Dopey, " the Pope snaps. "There are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world!" The six dwarfs start jumping up and down, chanting "Dopey fucked a penguin! Dopey fucked a penguin!"
As my Dad used to say, “when one door closes, another one opens.”
Lovely man, lousy cabinet maker though.
Genders are just like the twin towers…
There used to be two, but now its a sensitive subject.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When the punchline becomes apparent!
