A nasty ole storm blew away 25% of my roof last night…
My wife said we should hire a maid. “The job will get done a lot more often, and they’ll do a way better job!”
Apparently "Should we hire a prostitute for the same reasons?" was the wrong answer.
So I had to put my foot down
Now I want to break three
"Man I could sure use a hot cup of coffee and a blow job from that red-headed flight attendant!" That statement was heard throughout the plane and the furious red-headed flight attendant unbuckled her seat-belt and stormed off toward the cockpit. Seeing this, a passenger shouts, "Miss! Miss! You forgot the coffee!"
I don’t think I can look at her in the same light ever again.
No one knows. But the road will have his vengeance.
Friend- "That's not true, there is no such law anywhere in middle east". Me- "Yeah, but you need to be above 13 to use Facebook".
She sells Seychelles on the see-saw.
The mechanical engineer says : "its a broken starter" The electrical engineer : "dead battery" The chemical engineer: "impurities in the gasoline" The IT engineer: "Hey guys , i have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in".
Why can’t you just use a sponge?
because its dead
Oddly enough, it's even. But even so, it's still an odd concept.
They never get any green cards.
I told her, I for one, like Roman Numerals.
His wife: You are late.You said you would be home by 11:45 pm. Man:(Casually) I said i would be home by a quarter of 12.
Because they lost their Vision
… I guess you can call me Dav now."
"Because just after you were born, a rose petal landed on your head when we were leaving the hospital." "Is that also why my sister's name is 'Daisy'?" "Yes it is." "eherrnnanenhahenrnanehh" "Quiet, Brick"
I want to go to exotic islands and stay in 5 star hotels. She wants to come with me.
She's probably pulling your leg.
My house is full of light switches!
The experience was jarring.
I'm a bad electrician.
But anal will make her hole weak.
Because you look like a Queue
An old woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Dad: Then we'll just have the second one !
And a chair. And a table.
He must belong to an extreme mist organization.
I said, "Take your phone off silent." That's when the fight started.
Some asshole has my pen