A pun for Pi Day
Hey, is your refrigerator running?
Good. I'd vote for it over Trump or Biden any day.
Where are all these great dad jokes stored?
The dadabase
Just saw a guy wearing a hat that says, “Don’t bother me!”
So I asked him how much it costs and whether or not it works.
My ex just donated her eggs and got $3,000! WTF?
I donated sperm and all I got was a weird look from the Salvation Army Santa.
Some people aren’t shaking hands because of the Coronavirus.
I'm not shaking hands because everyone is out of toilet paper.
My son is a man trapped into a woman’s body
He'll be born next month
Two nuns stand by the road, holding a sign..
"The way you've taken is wrong, stop and turn back now, before it's too late!" The next busy driver, who looks at the inscription, shows a sparse finger and disappears behind the curve. A second later a loud crash is heard. One of the nuns thoughtfully says, -Sister, shall we just write: "Attention, the bridge is demolished?"
Would not be suprised if this have ben posted here in one form or another but here goes
https://ift.tt/36Z0Eog
Big shoutout to my great grandmother!
She can't hear me otherwise.
A man called his twin brother from prison
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
If Mustard cured constipation …..
They'd have to spell it different.
How Long is a Chinese name.
No text found
Three men die and go to heaven
three men named Mike, Ricky, and Randy arrive to st Peters pearly gates, they are greeted by Peter: “welcome guys, mike please come in first.” Mike walks through the gates where then a Ferrari awaits him. Peter: “Here Mike, my records show me that you have never cheated on your wife, thus you have a Farrari to drive in heaven for eternity. Now Ricky, please enter.” Ricky walks through the pearly gates where he sees a Toyota there for him. Peter: “ Hello Ricky, my records show me that you have cheated on your wife 2 times, you are now stuck with this 1998 Toyota as your car for eternity. Now Randy, come in.” Randy enters and sees a Push bike laying on the ground for him. Peter: “ Randy, I am disappointed in you, my records show you have cheated on your wife 8 times. You now can only ride your bike around for eternity. As all men have passed through the pearly gates, Randy and Ricky see Mike sitting in his Ferrari, crying his eyes out. They go up to him and say: “Mikey, what’s up why are you crying, you are sitting in a Ferrari?!” Mike answers: “g-guys… I just saw my wife roll by on a s-skateboard.
My teenage son treats me like a god.
He acts like I don't exist, until he wants something.
I can’t believe how many people don’t understand erectile dysfunction.
I mean, it's not hard.
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase
He asks, "What are you doing?" She replies, "I'm off to New York. I read that prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free." Later, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing her suitcase. "Where are you going?" she asks. "I'm coming with you. I want to see how you live on $800 a year."
Three girls die and go to heaven…
They are greeted by st. Peter at the pearly gates. He welcomes them and then says "But be careful, there are lots of ducks in heaven. If you step on any you will be punished". The girls go in and the first one steps on a duck right away and the ugliest man in existence gets chained to her for eternity. The second girl steps on a duck after about a week and the second ugliest man is chained to her for eternity. The third girl, however, never steps on a duck and the most beautiful man she had ever seen was chained to her. "What did I do to deserve such a nice thing?" she asks God. God looks at her and says, "He stepped on a duck."
A while back, my father told me an awful dad joke.
He said he'd be right back
North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media.
When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.
engrained
engrained
Why did the man blush when he opened the refrigerator?
He saw the salad dressing.
In Laughter, the L comes first
The rest of the letters come aughter it.
My friend keeps making up imaginary Middle Eastern countries..
I have to remind him what Israel.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall down a cliff.
Baa-Dumm-Tsssss
I was having dinner at my bosses house and his wife said, “How many potatoes would you like?” I said “I’ll just have one thanks.”
She said “It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.” “Alright,” I said, “I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow.”
At last…….I have managed to find my wife’s ‘G’ spot….
….who would have thought her sister had it the whole time
If money doesn’t grow on tree’s….
Then why do banks have so many branches?
You can’t take a photo of a man with a wooden leg.
You really need a camera
Where do suicide bombers go after they die?
Everywhere. Edit: Whoa thanks for the toilet seat.
I’m a man trapped in a woman’s body
Now I know not to keep the superglue and the lube in the same drawer.
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