A rabbi, a priest and a monk walk into a bar…
You drop it in water. If it sinks: girl ant. If it floats…
And stayed there my entire childhood
Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
It is my jingle bell rock.
I told him to shut the toilet door when he poops.
A woman reported one of her coworkers for sexual harassment because he said he liked the way her hair smelled. The HR rep said that it wasn’t sexual harassment.
The woman replied, "But it was the midget".
Let's go ride bikes!
Me: Of course. That’s how we get Number 2 pencils.
What a strange way to start a conversation with me…
I did that but now I don’t know what to do with the letters
I said, "I don't think it's that kind of book."
I was sad until she told me "Don't worry I'm just kidding, nothing could be father from the truth."
The odds were against me.
From a well, actually.
Because "almost underage" sounds a bit creepy.
"Mind if I give the melons a squeeze?" he asks. "Go right ahead!" the fruit lady replies, handing him one. He gives it a good few squeezes, more than necessary. A bit impatient, the fruit lady assures him: "That's ripe!" "No, it's not!" the Aussie replies, dropping the melon in disgust. "You gave me consent!"
Getting her husband's voice juuust right
Anyway, my dad just caught me masturbating
They both have a great time.
"It's not my fault," I said, "Every time I try flushing them down the toilet they magically appear back in my pocket again." "Do you really expect me to believe that?" he laughed. I said, "I'll prove it to you if you want me to!" "Go on then." he smiled, handing me the bag. After flushing them, he looked at me and said, "Well, show me your pocket then." "What for?" I asked. He said, "The drugs." I said, "What drugs?"
When it's fully groan.
The Fast and the Fuherous.
It was here a minute ago
A below job
You would go to prison and they would make a documentary about you. You sick fuck
Sorry, that came out wrong. Ahem. So, I’m giving up. Drinking for the next month straight.
I mean you either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck into infinite loop of “go ask your mom”.
But nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to God to ask for the $10. When the post office was to sort out the boy's letter addressed to 'God, America', they decided to deliver it to President Donald Trump. The President was impressed, touched and entertained by the boy's letter. He told his secretary to send $2 to the boy. The President thought it would be a lot of money for the little boy. The boy was happy to receive money from God, so he sat down to write a thank-you note that read: Dear God, thank you for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it via Washington, and as usual, the devils took 80% of it!
…Math puns make me feel number.