A recent study found out how much sleep a normal teenager needs.
Just five more minutes.
My screen is blue, I think I deleted system32.
I dont know if this goes here but I think you all would find it funny.I was talking to a cousin about climate change (he claims its a hoax and that it is happening, but says not because of humans, in the same conversation). He said something that I just cant understand he said”if a fact CANNOT be disputed than it is not a fact.”Last time I checked facts where facts because they could not be disputed.
When she noticed me, we went for a run
It produces a greenish flame and it looks really cool while I'm lighting up my cigarette.
At the “Chopping Maul.”
A grandpa joke
Since it was so rare to be hit even once, he (or she, since I don't want people to get offended) was quite shocked about it all.
I get it, you have more money than me, you don't have to show off.
And it actually worked. Clearly my-grains were the issue here.
"Yes sir, it's fresh ground."
which one is gonna be happy to see you when you open it up?
Not screaming like the passengers in the car.
Three old spinsters die and go to heaven and at the Pearly Gates, they are met by St Peter. He says: “Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives that I’m granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be.”
The first spinster says: “I want to be Sophia Loren.” With a bang, she’s gone. The second says: “I want to be Madonna.” She also disappears immediately. The third says: “I want to be Sara Pipalini.” St Peter looks perplexed. “Who?” he says. “Sara Pipalini,” replies the old spinster. St Peter shakes his head and says: “I’m sorry, but that name just doesn’t ring a bell.” The old woman then takes a newspaper out of her purse and hands it to St Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says: “No, my dear woman, the paper says it was the ‘Sahara Pipeline’ that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months.”
I'll beheading there shortly.
They where made in grease.
The Golf of Mexico
They gave me another one, free of charge.
For christ’s sake
Or should I just keep washing my hands?
That's the spirit.
He felt his presents.
I told him “You can’t be Sirius”
He woke up
Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad. I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end the iron straightened me out as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. The vacuum was very unsympathetic… told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over! The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip. The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ……..yes, you guessed it …..pull myself together
They only added the F after he died
Don't tell my boss I said that.
It’s a total rip-off
Our babysitter smiled and said, 'Take as long as you like.' That was three years ago. I hope she likes being a parent.