A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.
The Russian tells him, "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows."
"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown."
"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to be light brown color."
The prince says, "I rather like the Turkish bulls. Fine specimens indeed."
"Excellent choice, your majesty. But Turkish bull is special. They is bred for royalty, like you. But if you have royal blood, you must be bonding with bull calf when young, before they change color. Or they will reject you," the Russian explains.
"Well", the prince says, "I'm looking for a strong, adult bull. I'm not particularly interested in buying a calf. I rather like this big, beige bull over here."
The prince attempts to pet the large Turkish bull. It sniffs his hand, shakes its head in disgust, turns around and kicks the prince with its hind legs.
The prince goes flying across the room and lands in a pile of hay.
"Where did you get such a horrible beast?! Why did it kick me!?" He sputters.
"I told you. From Turkey." The Russian explains. "Is tan bull, can't stand a noble."
A dwarf walks into a
A dwarf walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass. The madam asks how she can help him. He says "I need a woman for mine has left me." The madam says "Whatever for? And what are the honeycomb and jackass for?" The dwarf says, "my wife found a genie that could grant her three wishes. For the first wish she asked for a house fit for a queen, so he gave her this honeycomb, the second wish she asked for the nicest ass in all the land, so he gave her this Jackass. The madam then asks "what about the third wish?" "She asked the genie for my cock to hang down past my knee." "That's not so bad." "Not so bad?" Spluttered the dwarf "I used to be 6 foot 3!"
On the first night of their honeymoon, the new bride tells her husband, “I have a confession to make. I’m not a virgin. I’ve been with one other guy.” “Oh yeah? Who was the guy?” “Tiger Woods, the golfer.”
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can understand that." The couple then makes passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you doing?" asks the wife. "I'm hungry. I'm calling room service." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it a second time." The husband drops the phone and makes love to his wife a second time. When they finish, he goes back to the phone. "What are you doing now?" she asks. "I'm still hungry, so I'm going to ring room service for some food." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it one more time." The husband puts the phone down and heads back to bed. Exhausted after the third lovemaking session, he shuffles back to the phone and starts to dial. The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?" "No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this hole!"
David Hasselhoff walked into a bar
and ordered a drink. “Its a pleasure to serve you, Mr Hasselhoff,” said the bartender. “Just call me Hoff,” the actor replied. “Sure,” the bartender said, “no hassle.”
My job is to drill holes in things and then bolt them together…
At first it’s boring, but later on, it’s riveting…
Why don’t churches have WiFi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works. 😀
How did the scarecrow win an award without moving?
He was out standing in his field 👨🏻🌾
I was sacked from the ice cream factory today
Just because I refused to work on a Sundae!
My dad is coolerblind.
you red that wrong
My wife and I were talking about people owning strange animals and she said, “I’ve always wanted to get a manatee.”
I said, “Thank you very much, I’ll have it with milk and two sugars please.”
What do you call a dog floating in water?
A good buoy
Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar
You can't tell me that's a coincidence
I almost got raped in jail
My family takes monopoly too seriously
I started a business building Yachts in my attic
Sails are through the roof.
A Cowboy Walks Into a Saloon, Naked . . .
. . . except for his boots. “Where your clothes at, Slim?” “Back at the barn. I was feeding the horses when a beautiful blonde drove up. She says, ‘I wanna show you something in the barn. Follow me.’ So I followed her. She says, ‘Take off all your clothes.’ So I do. Then she takes off her clothes, and says, ‘You like what you see?’ Fellers, she had the most bodacious body I ever did see! I said, ‘Yes, ma’am, I do!’” Then she lays down on a blanket, all friendly-like, and says, ‘Well, then, go to town, Cowboy!’ So I pulled on my boots and here I am.”
I asked my dad how can i satisfy a girl with a small dick.
He told me to give her a handjob.
My friend says to me “What rhymes with banana?”
And I told him "No it doesn't"
Monkeys
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister, "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiled and said, "That’s nothing; mine is already eating bananas."
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office:
I will find you. You have my Word!
People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain.
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
Why do cows have hooves?
Because they lactose.
Sherlock Holmes walks into his house with a basket full of lemons.
Watson asks, "Where did you get so many lemons?" Holmes replies, "A lemon tree, Watson.."
“The 24th of December is Christmas Eve”
"No it fucking isn't, Adam."
A truck loaded with Worcestershire sauce is driving through Saskatoon, Saskatchewan when it collides with a Nissan Qashqai.
The truck then careens down the road and hits a car from Massachusetts, injuring the two otorhinolaryngologists inside. A bystander quickly calls to report the accident on his Huawei. The emergency operator asks the bystander, "What happened?" "It's hard to say." . . Co-written by M0ng078
I gave my girlfriend an orgasm last night.
But the ungrateful bitch spat it out.
Student: Are “well” and “actually” both single-syllable words?
Teacher: Well yes , but actually no
If a person overdoeses on Viagra
Do they die hard?
I wanted to name our son Miles but my wife thought we should go with something more universally accepted.
So we named him Kilometers
What is a geographers favourite genre of music?
World music
After my performance at the shooting gallery, the coach said, “Take a bow.”
"Shooting isn't your cup of tea," he continued, "You better switch to archery."
An artist and a scientist see a rainbow…
The artist says "That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen" The scientist replies "Unfortunately it has no use" The artist says "Can't you just appreciate it's splendor? It has every color that exists in it" The scientist concedes "Ah, so it does have porpoise"
I was watching porn on the computer, when my grandpa suddenly walked in.
Weird way to finally find out what he did for a living.
I wanna try asking out my school crush, but it might come off as awkward
Man being a teacher is hard
What do you call the owner of a waterproof clothing company?
The head poncho.
Not to brag, but I beat the local chess champion in less than 5 moves yesterday.
Finally my high school karate lessons came of some use.