A sexual predator accused by multiple women of a variety of abuses ranging back to the 1970s. Also pictured: Jeffrey Epstein.
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta
I told him "you're not going to find what you're looking for."
I looked over at him and shouted, “Well that’s not very mature is it??”
A grandpa joke
Apparently he was in over his head.
Saturday and Sunday…the rest are weekdays.
Turns out, my parents weren't even related.
I won't lie, it was a Rocky Road.
I've seen him a few times here and there on local streets. I thought to myself "I bet he never gets too-tired."
It just ain't right turning your back on family.
I will find you. I have contacts.
I saw a Korean martial artist holding out a basket of donuts. When I asked if I could take two, he said no.
I said, “Can I at least Taekwondo?”
Those jokes are a decade old now!
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He gets disqualified
So I did. She’s 21 and her name is Amber
The porn industry can go fu*k themselves for all i care
i've only got my shelf to blame….
He said “Genius”
It's a little too crude.
… whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension cheque. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edna The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few pounds. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read: Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was £4 missing. I think it must have been those cunts at the Post Office.
But then my Dad reminded me: money doesn’t glow on tees.
A Man goes to a prostitute and asks for a blow job. She says it'll be $150. He says "what can I get for $50?" "A penguin." He didn't know what a penguin was, but it was a bargain. He agrees and she pulls his pants and underwear to his ankles and begins to blow him. After a few minutes without a word, she stops what she's doing, stands up and walks away. The man, pants still around his ankles, begins waddling after her, "Hey what's a penguin??!!"
“Yes. Don’t get too attached to him”.
which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.
tells me to sit
As the cute cashier was ringing up my stuff, she saw that all I had was some ramen noodles, frozen burritos, and canned spaghetti. She giggled and said “I can tell your single”. I laughed and asked “what gave it away?” She said “you’re fuckin ugly”
The correct term is "Turd World Countries".
We couldn't afford a dog.
One is an inhospitalble desert and the other is an in hospital dessert.
A blind man goes into a restaurant and sits down at a table. He orders something to drink and says to the waiter "Do you want to hear a blonde joke?"The waiter replies, "Well, actually sir, I am a blonde. And there is a man just over at the bar who is an ex-con with a violent streak and he is a blonde. Also we just seated a body builder who has a temper problem, he is blonde as well. So, I don't know, do you want to tell the joke?"The blind man says, "Well, no not if I have to explain it three times!"
I was fired immediately.
He meant well.
My dad and I are going out tonight and I asked if he could pick me up. He said "I think so – I've been working out!"
A man decided to attend his friend’s funeral. He approached his friend’s widow and after a consoling hug said “Plethora”.
She responded "Thanks that means a lot".
He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life, they never found a working machine.