A sign that Trump was destined to be president.
Sometimes I turn the volume up, so that I don’t hear them.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
Because if you encounter a deer who has a shotgun, it's best to just leave them alone.
A receding hair line.
"Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !" "Thanks dad !" "No problem Alan"
It's called Facebook
When do we want it Neeeooooooow
Your pupils; they dilate.
I haven’t heard from him since
They are prosecuted and the judge sentences them all to 100 lashes each. However he wants to look lenient in the eyes of their respective countries so he reduces the lashes to twenty and allows them to have two requests each before being lashed. The Spanish is first to be lashed and requests a bottle of tequila and a pillow strapped to his back. They let him drink the tequila and strap the pillow to his back and then commence the lashes. After 5 lashes the pillow breaks and they keep lashing him. After the 20 lashes he's bawling and his back is horribly scared. They haul him away to be sent back to Spain. The French man is next and he requests two pillows (one per request). After 10 lashes the pillows break and they continue with the next 10. By the end he's also horribly scarred and bawling, but not as bad as the Spanish guy. While they are hauling off the French guy the judge turns to the Brit and says "Well it's your turn now. What do you request?" The British man responds "First I want the original punishment of 100 lashes. I don't believe I should get off easy." The Judge yells "You're crazy! why would you do that?" The Brit responds "Because my next request is to have the French man strapped to my back."
I guess that's why my mum throws me a birthday party every year
but I like my words to be spelt in reverse alphabetical order.
H2O. What's on the outside of the hydrant? K9P
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the “telephone” he had just made from a string and two tin cans…
I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"
“Are you having a crisis ?”
No text found
But it snot.
Wait, I’m still working on it.
Dad: Hi pregnant, i'm Dad Wife: No you're not
Throw it in water. If it sinks, its a girl ant, otherwise its buoyant
Since it was so rare to be hit even once, he (or she, since I don't want people to get offended) was quite shocked about it all.
Because they don't want to be spotted.
After some pondering and experiments, I’ve made a conclusion that I can no longer reach my original weight.
8 lbs 9 oz is an unrealistic goal anyways.
And a lifetime ban from the zoo
"This is my butterfly collection! We have a wide range. This is Fred- off there in the corner. The monarch. Beautiful pattern. We got him from the Toledo Zoo. But careful you don't startle him- he isn't the socialist of butterflies."
You can hide but you can't run.
He got charged with Brie Larceny
She went crazy and said she won't play Scrabble with me again
But the star was Patrick