A sign that Trump was destined to be president.

I can here my maga-loving aunt laughing right now.

https://ift.tt/2JeO6Q2

I get anxious when I watch “Game of Thrones” with my parents, because of all the sex.

Sometimes I turn the volume up, so that I don’t hear them.

So VSCode has a lot of faith in my abilities.

https://ift.tt/2ALShOV

A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.

The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"

Why should you avoid hunting deers with a shotgun?

Because if you encounter a deer who has a shotgun, it's best to just leave them alone.

What do you call 100 rabbits in a line running backwards?

A receding hair line.

“Hey Dad, why is my sister called Teresa?”

"Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !" "Thanks dad !" "No problem Alan"

Just got an app that tells me which one of my relatives are racist

It's called Facebook

What do we want? Low flying airplane noises

When do we want it Neeeooooooow

Clean parody about dads. We appreciate all you dads and also you moms playing the role of a father. Happy early Father’s Day

https://youtu.be/Cke4Oem26UU

It’s outdated but I made it like 1 or so year ago and decided now to share it :D

After you die, what part of the human body is the last to stop working?

Your pupils; they dilate.

Very concentrated, don’t distract.

Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf…

I haven’t heard from him since

I was close except for the pandemic on my bingo card.

https://ift.tt/36MQ315

A British man, a Fench man and a Spanish man are caught stealing in a foreign country.

They are prosecuted and the judge sentences them all to 100 lashes each. However he wants to look lenient in the eyes of their respective countries so he reduces the lashes to twenty and allows them to have two requests each before being lashed. The Spanish is first to be lashed and requests a bottle of tequila and a pillow strapped to his back. They let him drink the tequila and strap the pillow to his back and then commence the lashes. After 5 lashes the pillow breaks and they keep lashing him. After the 20 lashes he's bawling and his back is horribly scared. They haul him away to be sent back to Spain. The French man is next and he requests two pillows (one per request). After 10 lashes the pillows break and they continue with the next 10. By the end he's also horribly scarred and bawling, but not as bad as the Spanish guy. While they are hauling off the French guy the judge turns to the Brit and says "Well it's your turn now. What do you request?" The British man responds "First I want the original punishment of 100 lashes. I don't believe I should get off easy." The Judge yells "You're crazy! why would you do that?" The Brit responds "Because my next request is to have the French man strapped to my back."