A sign that Trump was destined to be president.
My neighbors started makes sex videos.
They just don't know it yet.
How many kids with ADHD does it take to scew in a light bulb?
Let's go ride bikes!
Just a random thought
Just a random thought
I never understood why people are surprised to hear Elvis died on the toilet.
Historically it's rare for a King to leave the throne alive.
Just walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.
Well, that was a trip down memory lane.
Why didn’t 4 ask out 5
Because he was 2Β².
If you have a bee in your hand, what’s in your eye?
Beauty. It's in the eye of the bee-holder.
My wife asked me if “I was listening to her?!”
Strange way to start a conversation….
A Texan and a Mexican walk into a bar and order a beer
Bartender to the the Texan: That will be $5 Bartender to the Mexican: That will be $3 The Texan, upset, asks why the same beer cost less for the Mexican The Bartender replies, "SeΓ±or Discount"
What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A synonym roll…
What do you add to make a car go faster?
No text found
Someone told me my clothes were gay
I said "I know. They came out of the closet this morning."
Why is the paper glowing?
Because the paper is light.
What is the opposite of adulting?
Just kidding!
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket…
You can hide, but you canβt run
I went to the local Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting last night
but all the seats were taken.
Yesterday I robbed the oversized board game store
It was a huge Risk that I was willing to take
What do whores and Walmart have in common?
We all make fun of them, but when weβre inside one at 4am weβre glad theyβre around.
I have a pencil that was owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.
I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
The COVID19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
Two fish sitting in a tank
One of them turns to the other and says "How do you drive this thing?"
How do you tell between a boy ant and a girl ant?
Drop it in water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it floats, it's boyant
I once dated a girl with a lazy eye
Turned out she was seeing someone else on the side.
If you hit Dwayne Johnson’s ass
Does it mean you hit rock bottom
If you rearrange all the letters of POSTMEN
You will get them VERY ANGRY
Germans when it comes to driving
Germans when it comes to driving
Schrodinger gets pulled over by the cops and they do a search of his car.
Cop: Did you know you have a dead cat in your trunk? Schrodinger: I do now.