A Small Pepper
I love being a music teacher.
A: she would never accede a minnow fan! @SwiftOnSecurity
It's a cover version.
Outlaws are wanted
it had a bad pilot (i posted this to r/cleanjokes like 5 minutes ago but it fits here too)
Hey! That's a salt!
The people of Dubai don’t like the Flintstones but the people of Abu Dhabi Do.
Oh, it's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it.
And tells him that a customer just complained about the oven baked flatbread. His manager told him not to worry about it. The waiter went back to work but came back to his manager a few minutes later saying another customer was complaining about the oven baked flatbread. The manager said that it wasn’t important and that he should go back to work. The waiter again returned to work but a few minutes later returned saying that yet another customer was dissatisfied with the oven baked flat bread. The manager told him to forget it. The waiter asked why he wouldn’t talk to him about it. The manager said “Don’t worry, it’s a naan-issue!”
WiiU! WiiU! WiiU! WiiU! WiiU!
The cornea the better
crows did all their drinking at home.
I SAID MAYBEEEE!!
"It's not my fault," I said, "Every time I try flushing them down the toilet they magically appear back in my pocket again." "Do you really expect me to believe that?" he laughed. I said, "I'll prove it to you if you want me to!" "Go on then." he smiled, handing me the bag. After flushing them, he looked at me and said, "Well, show me your pocket then." "What for?" I asked. He said, "The drugs." I said, "What drugs?"
I guess it’s time to take Matters into my own hands
Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln." Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home." Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?" Again, before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King." Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go." Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy." Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave." When the teacher turns her back Johnny says in frustration, "I wish these dumb bitches would keep their fucking mouths shut!" The teacher turns around and she is livid: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?!?!" Johnny: "Harvey Weinstein. Can I go now, Miss?"
They’re just waiting their turn.
I called it the second hand second hand store
Because they have 2 Shifts…
Me: Do you have any chameleons? Clerk: I have no fucking idea
No text found
I’ve been torturing my 12yo son with dad jokes for the last month or so…he came in first thing this morning and laid this one on me…
Where do sunburned dinosaurs go for help? The Allosaurus. He earned a high-five for that one.
But it's the tallest buildings that have the most stories
At halftime it's Maroon 5 Patriots 3 Rams 0
A dead centipede.
I have a dad-a-base.